Hey You

I rarely pop up here unless there’s something’s I want to say, and yet I don’t want anyone to listen to it.

I miss you. I wish you knew, and care.

INFJs

More intriguing but mildly unsetting parts about INFJs

1) INFJs are decisive and strong-willed, but will rarely use that energy for personal gain – INFJs will act with creativity, imagination, conviction and sensitivity not to create advantage, but to create balance. (You will only hear my voice when I feel injustice. Fighting is a waste of energy).

2) Egalitarianism and karma are very attractive ideas to INFJs, and they tend to believe that nothing would help the world so much as using love and compassion to soften the hearts of tyrants. (I used this on someone tough this week and made him think that he won).

3) INFJs find it easy to make connections with others, and have a talent for warm, sensitive language, speaking in human terms, rather than with pure logic and fact. (I do this all the time. Works 80% of the time. 20% of time, people are made of stone).

4) Remember that INFJs need time alone to decompress and recharge, and to not become too alarmed when they suddenly withdraw. INFJs take great care of other’s feelings, and they expect the favor to be returned – sometimes that means giving them the space they need for a few days. (VERY TRUE. If I want to talk to you I will look up, otherwise I'm deep in thought and you must go away NOW.)

5) INFJs are enthusiastic in their relationships, and there is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise others. (Capable of this, but it very rarely happens because many people do not deserve it).

6) INFJs are often perfectionistic and picky. People with this personality type aren’t easily talked into something they don’t want, and if someone doesn’t pick up on that, it’s a trespass that is unlikely to be forgiven. (my dad calls this "ti ki").

7) When it comes to intimacy, INFJs look for a connection that goes beyond the physical, embracing the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partner. (Jialat).

When Befriending (Or Romancing) Me Was Hard

Just did a pre-conference personality quiz, where i'm just 1% of a personality type called "Advocates". This is part of what it says about my attitude towards friendships (the section on romantic relationships is equally troubling lol):


"In friendship it is as though Advocates are searching for a soul mate, someone who shares every facet of their passions and imagination. From the start, it can be a challenge to get to know Advocates, as they are very private, even enigmatic. Advocates don’t readily share their thoughts and feelings, not unless they are comfortable, and since those thoughts and feelings are the basis for Advocate friendships, it can take time and persistence to get to know them. Meanwhile, Advocates are very insightful and have a particular knack for seeing beyond others’ facades, interpreting intent and compatibility quickly and easily, and weeding out those who don’t share the depth of their idealism."

As such, i would like to apologise to anyone, if you ever experienced any form of unintentional pain in the process of getting to know me. thank you for persisting through the hardship, and i hope our friendship has been a meaningful addition to your life

失恋，然后呢

结果呢，失恋不可怕。更大的失望，我曾尝过。这还不及从前的一半。

年纪大了，不再不堪一击。我站得住脚。

可惜了， 在脑子酝酿的故事。剧情编不下去，没有结局。
。
。
。
。
。

只是脑子有一处声音不停回荡。

我不相信你已婚。

爱自己

明天这个时候我就失恋了。相隔上回太久了，我不记得这是什么心情。但我已经是熟女，应该扛得起这份失落。


明日的策略是且战且行，他问什么我就答什么，不多不少。最重要的是做自己，爱自己，认真为自己的健康负责任。


然后一切回归平静，云淡风轻。

连名带姓

作词：葛大为

零七年 那一首定情曲的前奏
要是依然念念不忘 太不称头
早放生彼此 好好过 都多久

你怎么像标本 杵在我心里头
后来的那几个 又没做错什么
他们口中自私的我
犯了偷窃时间的错 复制贴上你的爱

也很精彩的你 不甘寂寞
这圈子不太大 多少听说
欣赏你流浪 像是种信仰
我真这么想

再被你提起 已是连名带姓
谎称是友谊 却疏远得可以
多少人爱我
偏放不下你 是公开的秘密
只剩你没拆穿我

再处心积虑 终究事不关己
哪来的勇气 我就是不灰心
我且爱且走
其实在等你 是仅有的默契
你会不会又错过 我没有把握

算不清 多少个跨年夜一起过
要是依然念念不忘 太不称头
早放生彼此 好好过 都多久

你怎么像标本 杵在我心里头
后来的那几个 又没做错什么
他们口中自私的我
犯了偷窃时间的错 复制贴上你的爱

也很精彩的你 不甘寂寞
这圈子不太大 多少听说
欣赏你流浪 像是种信仰
我真这么想

再被你提起 已是连名带姓
谎称是友谊 却疏远得可以
多少人爱我
偏放不下你 是公开的秘密
只剩你没拆穿我

再处心积虑 终究事不关己
哪来的勇气 我就是不灰心
我且爱且走
其实在等你 是最后的默契
要是我们又错过 就别再回头

###

久久一次会遇到一首攻入心脏的歌曲， 任由它回荡在心间，一直可扩散、蔓延，百听不厌。

Happy Birthday Tmr

On the eve of my birthday, and as I was preparing for my first work week of the year, I finally filed my hospital documents away. For the first time, I found courage to stare long and hard at photographs of my wound, taken 3 weeks away. I took stock of my days in the ward, the recovery process at home, and the emotions that accompanied the initial pain and immobility. I’m thankful that the recovery has been smooth and despite my really low pain threshold, I had been able to withstand, adapt to, and control the pain, and feel it slip away with every passing day.

It’s great to be alive and possess a healthy mind and body. Your health is your greatest asset and it should never be compromised for work, money, other people's priorities or any other excuse, because there is no substitute that even comes close.
As I approach my birthday, I promise to love myself more, and surround myself with people who love me back. No more time for negative people or experiences.
Loving life, and living life,

Happy Birthday Janice (tomorrow)!

New Year's Eve Musings

On the last day of 2017, I'd like to thank everyone who's a friend, in whatever special way you have extended your care, concern, love and affection towards me. Thanks to those who came by to visit.
We all tend to define the value of friendship through the amount of laughter and fun we derive from someone's company.
But the past month has taught me to treasure the friends that stood by me through adversity. 因为享乐很容易，但共患难才是真友情!
...

（Of course I'm typing all this in my bed, as I can't move much. But today I can finally lie on my back. So yay!)

我想你了

有時經過您的房間，還是會有股錯覺。彷彿把頭一探，依舊是您的笑臉 ，您不曾離開。

Friendships That Count

My sincerest thanks to the many friends who dropped by the wake this week, and/or passed your contributions to me, directly or indirectly. I'm especially touched by my old school friends and old colleagues, some of whom I've not met in quite a while.
You will meet new people and make new friends all the time. But you must always reserve a spot in your heart for longtime friends. Due to physical distance, or a shift in life's priorities, you may not always meet up often. But in times of crisis, when support is needed the most, these friends will make the time and effort for you, and that is what matters.

Goodbye, Grandma

Nothing prepares you for the loss of a family member. My grandma passed away last night at 9.30pm in the presence of family.
My earliest memory of childhood was jaywalking with her when she went marketing each day. She would hold me in one hand and an umbrella in the other, and her purse held firmly under her armpit. I eventually got my own little umbrella too and it joined us in our daily jaywalking routine.
We spent a lot of time in the kitchen. I remember yakking away in... Teochew to her while sitting on my red potty. In the evenings, she would carry me to look out of the window to see which uncle/aunt would come home first.

Nothing prepares you for the loss of a family member. But our combined love for her will tighten the bonds of this family she leaves behind.
Thanks to all who have been a source of support to our family during this time. If you'd like to attend the wake, pls PM me.

Hoping for the Best

Some of you may know, my maternal grandma has been in and out of hospital in the last 3 weeks, and the family has been under a lot of stress lately. We were very close to losing her on Sunday but she's fought every tooth and nail to hang on.
Her speech is blurred but her mind is clear. She is aware who has visited, and is able to list who else she wants to see. She doesn't want to sleep for fear that she won't wake up. When we visit, she strains to widen both eyes.
Yesterda...y her grandchildren crowded by her bedside, and her eyes circled the room as she registered our faces, and acknowledged us all. The little babies that all took turns to nap in the sarong that she lovingly prepared and rocked each of us to sleep.

We hope for the best.

Joanna

All the best to Joanna Dong tonight! I took notice of her n her voice back in the first edition of 《天冷就回来》back in 2007. Jazz deserves more attention and respect, and she's been a wonderful spokesperson for the genre and our country.

Jay Chou said something to her which was very touching and inspiring on the show. It was along the lines of “你一直担心你唱的音乐太小众，但殊不知，从你站上这个舞台的那一天起，它就不再是小众。” And this comes from the musician who fused oriental influence into rap and popularised it in mandopop.

老闆娘的最后一夜

老闆娘上週四結束了在本校園長達13餘年的工作經歷。昨晚我和同事在幫她整理物品之餘，我們有感置身在時光隧道，每一件物品都是記憶的影子。如果不是我和同事的「狠心」丟棄，她可能好多東西都捨不得擱下。丟著丟著，突然感慨，原來多年來的辛勤工作，最後也不過化為一堆廢紙。所幸我們培育的是學生，所以我們的真正成就，正在社會生活中發光發熱。花了這麼多年培育別人的子女，老闆娘現在終於能在往後的日子把時間無私的奉獻給自己的小孩。祝福她！

为安靜寶寶說話

小的時候，因為安靜，曾在課堂上吃過很多次悶虧。還有老師會自以為好意打電話向我媽媽投訴我的安靜。也有大人認為我的安靜意味著驕傲。

有一次媽媽聽信了老師的讒言，還搞不清楚狀況，以為我在學校裡幹了壞事，就用藤條伺候了我。那年我8歲，莫名其妙被打，哭得慘，也哭得冤枉。詞不達意，也沒想到能辯解，就不了了之。

長大以後，因為環境的改變，我學會也適應了溝通，我甚至需要在人群面前演講、教書。我的話醬子開了，不過真正的侃侃而談，僅留給讓我覺得舒服自在的人面前。我在很多人的時候還是會緊張，在陌生環境還是會變成當年的小學生。

不要歧視安靜的人，尤其如果他是你的親人，特別是小孩。我們有我們的好處。安靜不是放空，是讓我們更專注於聆聽和觀察。我們的沈默往往陪襯著沈思。你難道沒有發現安靜的人常常能夠一語驚人，敲醒夢中人嗎？

安靜的人往往筆鋒過人。去找找你的安靜寶寶最近寫或畫出來的東西。他有話說，就看你願否用你的心來聆聽。

Keep in Touch

It's not often that your Singaporean friend is abroad in the same city as you.

每一次的離別，每一句的"keep in touch"，我都在猜測到底真正持續保持聯絡和見面的，會有哪幾個人。有時候猜測的和現實不符，但隨著成長，原本牽掛的人或事現在都能放下。

我沒想到我和Tian Ming在這近十年，即便更換了幾個工作崗位之餘，依舊保持聯絡，也有約見面。這是難得的友情，也是珍貴的緣份。

I Survived 2016

2016 has been a challenging year. I began the year with worry, passed the mid year mark with frustration, before finding an emotional equilibrium and a come-what-may attitude to deal with uncertainties.
In between the pain, disappointment and relief, I learnt a few lessons.
...

1) Don't feel pressured to make goals where u need to "do better" than last year. Sometimes maintaining status quo or reducing expectations is fine too.
2) U can plan trips with challenging destination or people, but not both. U paid for this holiday, u have the right to enjoy it in your terms.
3) Pace yourself at work. The work will never end, and u are not indispensable.
4) If u feel depressed, do not wallow in self-pity, because it is a self-fulfilling prophecy and downward spiral.
5) Cats may be cute, but it is more important to spend time with people that count.
6) When u r down, fall back on a trust system -- a handful of friends who you can talk to, without judging u.
7) First impressions seldom last. Give a new acquaintance time, and yourself chance to get to know someone.
8) The measure of a person's kindness and integrity has nothing to with the person's designation, accolades or social standing in life.
9) Don't be scared of feedback, provided they are constructive, because u can learn to be a better person. Don't be quick to defend. Some will be blind spots, and u may have been rubbing people the wrong way.
10) Different people affirm in different ways. Do not turn just to one person to validate your worth. U can self-affirm or look to others for encouragement.
11) Don't be obsessed with saving money all the time. Some money is worth spending because u get much more in return.
12) Open your heart to people, and they will repay u with friendship!

Meeting Net Friends

Met a bunch of new friends. We bonded over the online 歡歌 singing app. Singing live with them is a very humbling experience! First time singing with so many semi pros. I felt so nervous! Everyone machiam put cd press play.

Meeting friends off the Internet is something I would not have done if I was much younger. But I think the Taiwan trip has empowered me to be bolder and more assured of myself, and be open to new experiences.

七月與安生

"我恨過你，但我也只有你。"

七月與安生，兩個截然不同的女孩，13歲起成了形影不離的閨蜜。到了18歲，因為家明的出現，她們的關係註定在知己和敵人之間晃蕩。

為了逃避家明的追逐，安生選擇「漂流」，嘗盡人生的酸甜苦辣，也飽受思鄉之苦。為了追逐家明，七月試圖用「安定」綑綁他，卻在安穩的生活中，找不到內心的平靜，和對人生的熱情。

10年裡，她們透過不斷的離別與重逢，彼此依賴、默默關懷，卻也互相羨慕、不斷妒忌。
...

導演曾國祥（曾志偉之子）手法細膩感人。電影不斷重復這些畫面--倒影（鏡子、玻璃窗、地板），和流水（蓮蓬頭、水龍頭、浴缸、海洋）。彷彿是要我們和劇中的兩個女生一樣，一起審視我們的人生。在成長的道路中，你是否也在「安定」與「漂流」中難以抉擇？你又在「安定」和「漂流」得到了什麼，犧牲了什麼？

看著看著，想起張艾嘉1986指導的「最愛」，同樣是2個閨蜜愛上一個男生，用一生的時間糾纏在謊言與真相中，各自關懷，互相折磨。
小忠告：要看這部電影，必須預備很多紙巾。

MyPaper Says Goodbye

MyPaper had a good run for 10 years. I had some articles printed there many years ago, mostly on education, entertainment and arts. Back then, the news team worked very hard, churning out original content in both English and Mandarin sections, and the Mandarin articles even came with an English dictionary to teach you vocab. Eventually they succumbed to economic pressures and took existing content from ST and ZB. I'm personally more excited with the rebranding of TNP. It's about time we stopped reading drama disguised as news