Teacher's Day, the Real Deal

So this is what it feels to be appreciated by students. For most teachers, Teachers' Day is September the first. For me, it is right now.
As part of my impending appraisal exercise, I asked students if they could include some comments on my teaching on their daily assignment exercise.

Here's what some of them wrote:

"Dear Janice,I think that you are terrific in handling with administrative matters. Your determination to impart knowledge to the class is evident. You never fail to impress us with your much effort in going the extra mile to present additional power point slides which aids us towards achieving understanding of the problem at the end of each day. I notice that you take your work seriously and deliver efficient and succinct comments by the end of every week. Your comments for my daily grades have helped me to improve and encouraged me in my learning in RP. Keep up the good work!" -- Karen

"My enterprise facilitator Janice Low, has been a very good example in showing a facilitator with good qualities. She has guided us properly so that we will understand the problem statement of the day and thus will be on the right track in solving the problem. She also ensures in many ways that we understand the topics each week and not forget them. She does this by recapping the previous lessons, going through the quizzes etc. Moreover, she always has different interesting strategies to present our presentation to make the lesson more effective and interesting. She also explains the 6P to us very well so that we will have a better understanding. The comments that she gives me and the team are also very useful as it helps me to realize my mistakes and work harder for a better grade." -- Mahesh

"Though there is a system, different facilitators have different way of running the class. Some put in more effort and make it more interesting. Some just want to do the minimum and let the lesson be normal. But some facilitator wants to make lesson different and will plan and do different things each week. A good example is Janice, the enterprise facilitator of my class. She is really a good facilitator. She is not a person who only wants to just what is required of her but rather she do it for students. Every weeks lesson is special." -- Elson

"Hi Janice, I would think that your facilitation skills are up to the standard. But you could do something better if you wish to make it more interesting." -- Annette

"faci, your lesson is interesting at times as you always have different activities for us during meetings and this really amke the class lively early in the morning. (:" -- Ying Ying

"Firstly thanks for your teaching us over the 11 weeks. You are a responsible and kindly facilitator and the only one who give us learning summary for every week via email to help us to review the lesson and learn from other classmates. Your slides are always elaborate so we can get hold of the points and targets easily. You encourage the activities in class to make our learning more interesting and effective." -- Lixia

"firstly, I can say that I hope you can be our faci for my class next year and that you are a good, efficient and caring faci. I always understand every lesson you thought us, I understand it truly, not lying. You always have a nice smile for everyone of us. Hope you can be our faci next year!" -- Pearly

And my personal favourite: "After going through 11 weeks with you as our facilitator for the enterprise module, I feel that you are one of those facilitators that are very responsible. I said this because I can see that you put efforts in conducting the class every week. This can be seen from the preparation and research that you made before the class to ensure that you are able to answer the enquiries from the students. Furthermore, you took the trouble to go through the quizzes for every week and I feel that it is very good and useful to us. Other than that, you give good comments to the students to help them to better enhanced their learning experience and help them to know what fields and things that they need to improve on.In addition, I feel that the way that how you conduct the tasks after the class is very good. You will help to compile all the slides and extracts the qualities ones to help us to have better resources to revise for UTs. Furthermore, you also did help us a lot by giving us hints, triggers and also carried out the student activities in the class very well that help us a lot to come out with the solution for the problem statements. Overall, I am very happy and honoured to be able to be facilitated by you." -- Cheng Wei

I couldn't speak for a while after reading them, so I did what I do best. I wrote. This is my email reply to them: "Dear Annette, Karen, Mahesh, Elson, Ying Ying, Cheng Wei, Pearly and Lixia, I have read your comments on me and I thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart. Your moving words have made my day! There are days when I feel very tired, and ask myself why I am in RP doing facilitation. Then I read kind words like this from students and find my answer." -- Janice

我的心情是片看不到尽头的海，深蓝忧郁

最近，心情欠佳。也许是接近年终，回首一年，发现没什么成就和里程碑。意识到我又就这样，平庸的度过一年。

当然接近年终就意味着我有即将过生日，这又提醒我自己不再年轻，不能再蹉跎岁月。这一年里，常常有人问我是不是瘦了。我还沾沾自喜，以为是自己品味变好，比较会打扮，变美了。后来，我仔细看了自己的旧相片，打量镜子里的倒影，才发现我不是瘦了，是baby fat消失了。突然有种莫名的失落感。人什么都能斗，唯独面对时间。

再来，最近又有几己位熟悉的同事陆续离职。我又想起了自己未来的去向。Should I stay or should I go? 听了某个电台节目，说对现状不满的人处于auto-pilot mode，因为生活里找不到突破，所有才会萌生倦意。

还有，最近我又病了，连续三个星期进诊所，还被医生送去医院急诊，把我父母吓坏了。

可怜。我需要一个微笑的理由。

Happy 2nd Birthday Blog!!!

“ 蓝色音乐室”两岁了。我的读者还是没有增加多少,因为我仍然刻意地隐藏身份。理由是“ 蓝色音乐室”终究是我情绪上的发泄管道和通往我内心世界的通道。我不预备让人随便闯入，随便离开。

回顾今年的post，比去年少了一点，但依然维持在至少三个星期发一则post的频率。这里列出我最喜欢或给我最深印象的五大post。

1. January 2007
Letter From An Unknown Woman
我觉得自己写得最好的post之一，虽然它跟我的人生没有什么关系。主要聊了一部我没看过的旧电影。当博客两年，明显发现我的中文水平真的进步了。语文这种东西真的必须要常常用，才不会脱节。

2. February 2007
The Little Movie That Could But Didn't
好久没有这么喜爱一部电影。“Little Miss Sunshine”在奥斯卡中的落败再次证明了喜剧在颁奖礼上的悲剧。不过“Little Miss Sunshine”依旧是一部难得的好片。期待编剧Michael Arndt的下部作品，“Toy Story 3”。

3. April 2007
10 Things
和朋友玩的一个游戏。回顾过去，好玩，好笑，也有助于了解现在的自己！

4. August 2007
我和我追逐的梦
走出自己的安全区学习唱歌，其实就是我努力在平淡生活里求变的开始。我有种预感这将是我人生上的转捩点。我要追逐我的梦，停止平庸。

5. October 2007
A Piece of Summer, Peace of You
今年做的最棒的决定之一就是出席我的偶像，陈绮贞的演唱会。之前错过她的两次表演一直心有不甘。终于，third time lucky! 开心程度自不在言下。

A Piece of Summer, Peace of You

陈绮贞的新加坡演唱会已经落幕了，我的心仍然余波荡漾。这一年内，我也看了林忆莲和优客李林的演唱会，然各自精彩，可是比起陈绮贞的演唱会，少了一份震撼力、少了一种我无法形容的痛快！陈绮贞的演唱会中，我无法自拔地high起来，跟着大
批歌迷一样，站在椅子上拍手叫好、唱着每一首我认识的
歌曲。


也许是陈绮贞的音乐一直陪伴我成长吧。我记得第一次听到“让我想一想”觉得很新奇。乐坛怎么会有个又像女人、又像小孩的歌声？但比起同期唱舞曲走甜蜜路线的偶像歌手范晓萱、徐怀玉、徐若瑄，陈绮贞的歌声少了一份做作。多了一份真诚。



我真正喜欢绮贞是因为无意间听见了她首张专辑“会不会”，感动久久不息。后来又听见“嫉妒”，觉得非买不可。那是她只是无名小卒，我跑来到第三间唱片行才买到“让我想一想”。

我最欣赏绮贞的作词功力，词简意深。如“躺在你的衣柜”谈到男女之间的精神恋爱vs肉体依赖，“小尘埃”说的是创作者和灵感的微妙关系等等。同意乐评人当初说的一句话--绮贞的声音像把软刀子，逼着我们去面对不敢面对的问题。从前我甚至效仿她的写作风格写了一首“冬眠”(view Dec 06 entry 入冬)，获得校友们的好评。


绮贞演唱会上唱了多首冷门歌，我本以为那些不是绮贞忠实支持者会觉得闷，更何况绮贞一贯都惜字如金。结果一首摇滚的“Sentimental Kills" 掀开了新加坡人的保护层，场面气氛渐渐烧到沸腾。五次encore更是前所未有。我为我的偶像感到骄傲。


很久以前，有位我认识的音乐人知道我喜欢陈绮贞，说这类内向、内敛的歌手要长期在歌坛发展不容易，不一定成得了大气。如今，事实证明陈绮贞以实力征服了听众和同辈艺人如五月天、顺子。而这位曾在我面前批评绮贞的音乐人早已不知所踪。

画一幅彩色的梦

学水彩画是我近期的新玩意。因为开始学唱歌，我忆起了其他学生时代的梦想。一直以来，我最大的遗憾就是14岁那年被迫放弃艺术，依照父母和学校的意思继续学音乐。

因为断送了和画画有关的前景，我每次看到别人在艺术方面的成就，就不禁自问“what if”。当然这是“the grass is always greener on the other side” 的想法。我那会画画的表妹也说过学艺术的人太多，人才济济，使得大家反而庸俗，难以脱颖而出。最后半途而废也不少。

尽管如此，我花了12年后悔当初被迫放弃所爱，我觉得我不想再等了。于是我学完了基本课程后便停止上音乐学校，反而到实惠的联络所开始学水彩画。说也好笑，12年前我为了音乐放弃艺术。如今，我为了艺术放弃音乐！不过对音乐，我没有太多遗憾。我学过琴、学过乐理、参加过合唱团、写过歌、在台上唱过创作、入围过创作比赛、和音乐版权签过约。 虽不能说是大风光，但都是我生命中的里程碑。

刚重拾画笔有一点感动、又有一点害怕。感动是因为有种陌生又熟悉的复杂感觉。害怕是因为不知道画画的天分是不是随着时间而流失了。学了一个月，不能说我做得很好。我的画时好时坏，水准参差不齐，不过偶尔也有获得老师的认可，心中有些许的安慰。

无论好坏，我还是会学上一段时间。这次我再不轻易放弃。

你是我的眼

我第一次听见萧煌奇的“你是我的眼”是在Youtube的网站上。他戴着墨镜表演，一开始并没有察觉到他是位视障歌手。虽说萧煌奇、陈伟联等视障歌手的歌唱技巧不一定十全十美，可是他们的演唱都出自内心深处，听了令人格外感动。况且“你是我的眼”由萧煌奇自己作词，寓意更深远。对我来说这篇词不但是歌词，它是一首诗，一段对生命的期许，也是一份萧煌奇给听众的“见面礼”。

作词：萧煌奇
"如果我能看得见
就能轻易的分辨白天黑夜
就能准确的在人群中
牵住你的手
如果我能看得见
就能驾车带你到处遨游
就能惊喜的从背后
给你一个拥抱
如果我能看得见
生命也许完全不同
可能我想要的我喜欢的我爱的
都不一样

眼前的黑不是黑
你说的白是什么白
人们说的天空蓝
是我记忆中那团白云背后的蓝天
我望向你的脸
却只能看见一片虚无
是不是上帝在我眼前遮住了帘
忘了掀开

你是我的眼
带我领略四季的变换
你是我的眼
带我穿越拥挤的人潮
你是我的眼
带我阅读浩瀚的书海
因为你是我的眼
让我看见这世界
就在我眼前"

感谢词

教师节结束后，收到了我老师们的一些回应，有人收到礼物后感动无比，也有人收到礼物后没有反应（虽然有些人会说没有反应也是一种反应）。

指导过我得奖短片的老师，Miss Liu，收到礼物最激动。很难想象她会有这么感动地反应。我永远记得我和组员曾经蹲在他的办公室里花了六个钟头，一边被她骂得狗血淋头，一边忍着饥饿地重写我们的剧本。虽然那份回忆不堪回首，可是我也无法忘记她也陪我们挨饿六个钟头，刻苦地帮我们完成我们的作品。她的电邮写说："Dear Janice, I'm more than pleasantly surprised to receive your card. I'm touched by your sentiments; you make me want to teach again [well almost]! Thank you! And of course I remember you -- how could you think otherwise? You're not only n my FYP group with Yiting and Vivian, you are also the writing talent who won a third? prize in MDA's scripting competition. I hope you've kept up with your writing although I know regular work can be overwhelming at times. Glad to know you're a teacher in the making. It is an energy-sapping job but it does have its rewards, mostly in the form of grateful notes or a word of thanks from students. It's especially nice when you're fondly remembered by ex-students!...（省略掉）ps: your lovely card now takes pride of place on my office cork board."

两天后，我的编剧老师Mr Seah也捎来感谢电邮："Dear Janice, Thank you very much for the card and arm rest. The rest will definitely come in useful. I get tired very easily especially if I do any Mediacorp scripts... It’s good to know that your colleagues think highly of your writing ability. Developing all types of writing skills can be helpful to the writer...（省略掉） Again, thanks for they gift and the kind words in your card."

比较失望的是我的歌唱老师，石康军，一点直接的表示都没有。我一直不知道他有没有收到礼物。不过，因为我有附上回邮地址，所以物品既然没有被寄回我家，那我猜他已经收到礼物了。而且他后来在学校的网站上答谢了所有送他教师节礼物的人。也许，他还觉得自己是偶像，把教师节礼物当成是歌迷送的礼物，所以没想过应该各别谢过每一个送礼的人。我只能说长得这么帅的人，欠缺了些基本礼貌，有点可惜。

以学生对老师的谢意，我想做的，能做的，都表态了，问心无愧。有反应也好，没反应也罢，至少我让了别人有了微笑的理由，而我也享受了随着给予而来的欢乐。

出发

不如意的时候，我喜欢听黄韵玲的“出发”。



词：黄韵玲

"真的要丢掉昨天的不快乐
真的要把过去放在角落
必须往前走
必须学着让自已成熟
有风有雨的路前面还有
要怎么选择属于我的生活
站在原地不动
或者叹息年华易老
出发到另一个新的地方
生命的过程就像一篇故事
记住我曾经那样的为你心动
记住我的梦想我的努力我的真心
出发到另一个新的地方
不能永远抓紧回忆不放
该面对的总要坦然的去面对
不该是我的终究还是要让它自由"

是的，丢弃烦忧，重拾信心。抓不住的，就让它毫无痕迹的溜走吧。祝我明天找到一个快乐起来的理由。

给弟弟的一封信

亲爱的弟弟：

你在香港已经五天了， 接下来的四个月，你要自己度过。当然，你偶尔会觉得寂寞，这是人之常情，无需太忧郁。难过时就记得，现在的寂寞是为了前程似锦，这是件好事，况且还是你自己这么努力争取的。在香港学习的，将是你以后寻求工作时的优势。短暂的孤单是为了将来走更长远的路。你勇于尝试，这方面你就比我强太多了。我要向你多学习。

我发现，想一个人的时候，我会不断的搜寻记忆，寻找我们共同度过的时光，然后缅怀过去。我突然记得我们小时候常一起玩很多得很多很有创意的游戏，如为玩具人偶建房子、假设图书馆、等等。当然你也陪姐姐玩了家家酒、洋娃娃！

现在偶尔望进你的房间，还是会有种错觉，好像你会一如往常的夜归。你走的那一天，我睡过了头。你一直不知道，我其实想在你上德士之前，给你一个拥抱。印象中，我们姐弟从未拥抱，可是我们确实比一般姐弟亲近，常常无所不谈。当然近年来，发现你比从前郁闷，常爱将苦往肚里吞。我一向不习惯以言语表达想法，无法开解你，我感到抱歉。不过我常觉得人生苦短，有时真得无需将一点小挫折放大，庸人自扰。试着往好的方面去看问题，你会活得快乐些。

期待看到你四个月学成归来后的转变。欠你的拥抱，到时再补上吧！

加油。

祝安康，
姐姐

我不怕苦，就怕等待

谁会知道等待是这么折磨人的事情？我开始讨厌你。同时也害怕事实会应验我此时的想法。

另一方面，我也不禁问自己, 我到底在等待什么？又期待什么？

突然觉得自己好傻。

我后悔了。

教师节快乐2007

最后我还是逃不出当老师的命运。刚教完十六星期（也就是一学期）的课，没想到下学期还是得教课。老板比去年还绝，完全没有征求我这个行政人员的意见就把我的名字放入班级的编排里面。Well， 无可奈何，又能拿他如何？只能逼自己教一个不熟悉的科目，接受这个无法避免的事实。

所幸的是, 我这学期碰到的学生还算不错，整班都挺乖的， 还挺尊敬我的，比起去年我那批忘恩负义的学生， 这班可以说是一群天使。要和他们道别，还有一点舍不得！上了最后一堂课后，他们还和我拍了一系列照片，还送了我一张留念，真的太贴心了！

因为无意踩入教书这滩浑水，我现在比过去更尊敬老师。我终于可以体会过去老师们的用心和苦心（虽然现在说这些也未免太迟了）！

为了表示我对老师的尊重和敬佩，我今年打算送卡片或礼物给还记得我，而我也还记得他的老师。以前送老师礼物是出于一种义务，因为其他同学送，所以自己也必须送似的。没想到，事隔多年后， 我会“良心发现”， 真心诚意地给老师送上礼物。

可惜屈指一算，只有三位老师还历历在目- 有指导过我得奖短片的老师, 三年来一直给我意见和鼓励的编剧老师, 和一直抱怨我歌声“包着一团空气"的歌唱老师。

这样也好啦，可以省钱！祝愿天下所有教师，教师节快乐！

理性与感性

“我相信你是个很感性的人，只是你不会表达”。

这是一个跟我接触不到几次的男人说的。

他说这句话的时候，我只是笑着没有回答，心里难免想回应他“你懂什么？”。可是后来反复思考，不禁问自己，是吗？我是这样的人吗？已经太久没有人试图揣测我的个性。就连我自己也很久没有认真想过。原来被堆积如山的工作压倒真的会迷失自己。每天忙着尽快解决各种大大小小的工作琐事，整个人也越来越理性。

当然我也有感性的一面，即使这一面被我忽略的很久。仔细想想也许我有意蒙蔽我的感性。有段时间，我是感性过于理性。那是我刚写歌的时候，大概也有九年了。我记得我那时感情很丰富，最爱上的就是文学课。可是我的写歌经历相当痛苦，因为我始终找不到知音，就连我父母也在没有听到我的音乐前就否定了我。印象很深有一次，我第一次把自己写的歌用录音机录起来。为了尽善尽美我录了一个晚上。第二天，我兴奋地把卡带带到学校想与好友分享，可是大家忙着温习功课，没有人要听。我发了脾气，结果我的朋友说了句狠话，说不要听卡带了。之后我沉默又恍惚地在学校过了一天。终于我在回家的路上崩溃了，一路哭回家，完全不理会旁人的眼光。到了家依然眼泪流个不停，只好睡个午觉，这才止住泪水。那应该是我最痛的一次心碎，连我自己都吓了一跳。我了解了过度感性的危险性，下意识地开始压抑感情，凡事都以理性为主。

结果多年后，我的歌唱老师批评我把“我真的受伤了”唱得太平淡了, 不够伤感。他从我的演绎方式推理说：“我相信你是个很感性的人，只是你不会表达。”

是吗，我是这样的人吗？

我困惑了。

我和我追逐的梦

终于我鼓起勇气，到音乐学校学习唱歌。大部分人的第一印象就是“为什么”，因为在他们心目中我在KTV中所向无敌，甚至有同事还称我是公司部门中的歌后。

说到初衷，那要追述到大一的时候，第一次以歌手兼创作人参加校内的音乐发表会。虽然一直以来被亲友赞歌声，可是到了彩排时候我才深深体会到什么叫一山还有一山高。那里可谓高手如云、个个唱作俱佳，让我不禁自行惭秽。那时第一次萌起拜师学艺的念头。可惜那时没钱也没时间，凡事以课业为重，所以梦想一直就这样沉睡在心底。

多年后的现在，机缘巧合下，我在CD店里看到一张小册子，是一间新开的音乐学院的招生广告。我想起了学生时代的梦想，和负责人联系，其后又在公司那边做安排让我在上课的日子里在家里办公，好让我可以准时到学院上课。

终于我上课了。每个星期上将近两个小时的课。初级班的练习歌是张学友的“我真的受伤了”。这首歌我本来挺喜欢，但至今唱了这么多星期确实腻了。虽然如此，也不敢complain。我记得小学中文课本里有一段某著名画家的求学故事。话说这位画家(忘了他的名)拜师学艺，老师每堂课，都只让他画鸡蛋。他地向老师倾诉不满，老师说连画鸡蛋这么简单的东西也有它的学问，连基本功都做得不完美，怎么能挑战更难的事物。

这里不得不提我的老师，前歌手石康军。他2005年出过一张专辑，可惜那一年我忙着失意，错过了。专辑印象中反应好像不错，不过过后报章说他提前解约了，实际原因没有透露。我一个星期见他约两个小时，没有理由、没有借口、也没有权利向他打听。不过我想被迫放弃梦想一定是件痛苦的事，无论原因是什么。 然而，我想他是向前看的人。他不再用“石康军”这个艺名，不跟学生闲话家常，只专心教他的课。我想教音乐是他追求的其中一个梦想吧。

同一个课室里，我唱着“我真的受伤了”，同样地，认真地追求自己的梦。

牵错线

有时觉得人越老，思想越无聊。最近还蛮常被同事取笑。也许是他们很多都成家了，希望也来替单身的同事牵红线，无论他们合适与否。当然，这是茶余饭后的无稽之谈，但有时不禁觉得烦。毕竟这不是真切地关心。

况且他们惯用的男主角是部门里面出了名的单身汉。这两个高职位的同事（或者应该说是老板）麻烦与毛病多多，而却条件也不怎么样。瞧它们的工作形态就知道。一个罗索得要命，另一个又太会挑剔。我一直认为他们是受困在男体的女人，比阿嫂还阿嫂。和他们传绯闻，确实不是我的荣幸。

同事们，不要再拿我作消遣了。要传绯闻，也麻烦用点心思。找到像样点的对象再通知我。

烟雨蒙蒙

最近发现了中国Youtube的翻版,土豆网,并搜到一些多久不见的电视剧,包括1986版的琼瑶剧"烟雨蒙蒙"。

我很爱"烟雨蒙蒙"这本小说，感情坦率、锐利，每一章的情节都是狂风暴雨，逼着读者去适应、去接受。和“咆哮山庄”一样，故事的主人翁是个狠毒的人，但他的真情与遭遇使我们不得不同情他，让身为读者的我们陷入两难。

"烟雨蒙蒙"故事讲述一对被逐出家门的母女多年来相依为命，父亲陆振华则继续和小老婆和他们的四个儿女住在一栋豪宅里。为了生计，女儿陆依萍定时必须到父亲家拿少的可怜的生活费。一日依萍在讨生活费时因为受不了继母雪琴的挑拨离间和父亲起争执。依萍质问父亲的责任感，惹怒了自尊心高傲的父亲。振华年轻时曾是大军官，哪禁得起孩子的辱骂，叫儿子尔豪递来军制时期专用的马鞭狠狠抽打依萍。从头到尾，陆家全体(雪琴、尔豪、姐妹如萍、梦萍、和小弟尔杰)冷眼旁观，无人伸手阻止惨剧。惩罚完毕，振华开始内疚叫雪琴拿了比平时多出几倍的生活费给依萍，但依萍的心积满了仇恨与不平。她把钱扔向振华，誓言他日会展开报复，并会“笑着听他们每一个人哭”。从此依萍处心积虑地向陆家报复，这包括抢走如萍心仪的对象，何书桓。只是没想到，依萍真的爱上了书桓... 而依萍在成功报复后，却得不到一丝快感。她终于了解血缘是斩不断的亲情关系，陆家的喜怒哀乐与她融在一起。她报复了陆家却也得承受家破人亡的悲剧。

记得新加坡在1992年播出此剧，我也一直追看。可惜播大结局那晚，我爸硬要带全家逛什么公园，所以错过了播出。虽然有听说电视版结局有别於小说版的大悲剧，但详情一直是个谜，也成为我心里的一个小遗憾。

如今重温旧剧集，仿佛时光倒流，许多回忆涌上心头。只是当时观看这部电视剧的地点、房子也迁离了，如今坐在电脑前看旧剧，不禁感慨时代的变迁。但好戏仍旧是好戏，无论时间过了多久依然保留着它的吸引力，历久不衰。

P/S：书桓最终为了面临受良心谴责而精神崩溃的依萍，放弃了出国的念头。他在火车轨道找到依萍，叫住她。他们两眼相望，荧幕上出现“剧终”...

老板杀死了我的梦 Part 2

音乐会突然变调，老板也会突然改变态度。

One day ago, The Boss crushed my dream, and the next day he told me apparently, HR had always allowed admin staff to work once a week from home, and for some reason, he had been here since like forever, and he never knew. Too stupid to be true.

But anyway, the bottomline is I get to sign up for my classes! Of course, due to my little run-in with the boss, it turns out that I benefitted the other admin colleagues as well, so everyone gets to stay one day at home. Good news for all!

As for my boss, I've given up on second-guessing his thoughts. I'll just cherish what I have for the moment, and hopefully this work-from-home arrangement lasts me as long as I'm here.

老板杀死了我的梦

This is one of those days where I feel I'm at the mercy of my work and my boss. The company claims that it has flexi-work arrangements but really, only we know the truth.

I tried to sign up for an evening singing class which is situated near my house and asked for permission to work from home for the duration of 6 Fridays. My direct supervisor allowed and I happily went to sign up, but now the Big Boss said no. He gave some reasons like unfairness and what not, but nothing much went into my head. I just thought it was really sad that I am 26 and I can't hold onto a dream I have because of an inflexible boss. I called the school and cancelled the class. It will have to wait. It's ironic that when I was a student I can't sign up for singing classes cos I didn't have the money. And now, I have the money, but I can't make the time.

Life's tough, and this is one of the days where I can't sing its tune.

曲终人散后的宴席

昨天我十五岁的表弟离开了本地，开始了他前往上海求学的生涯。这一别便是四年。

虽然我们不是十分亲近，但近年来，我们常在他们家开聚会，我也偶尔会带几个表弟妹出门。

从宣布、筹备到离开只不过短短的两周，令人相当惊讶。好像理由是他在这里的学校学业不佳，然后又加上我们上海有亲戚，所以就把他送过去念国际学校。

此外，他姐姐，也是我最亲的表妹，也透露因为学校科系将被被删减，自己将出国深造，最快是半年后动身。

自古以来，天下无不散之宴席 。有聚首就有分离。他们为了前程发奋图强，本应为他们感到高兴，只是想起来也有些惆怅。

想起王菲曾唱起，“有时候，有时候， 我会相信一切有尽头。 相聚离开都有时候，没有什么会永垂不朽 。可是我有时候， 宁愿选择留恋不放手。 等到风景都看透，也许你会陪我看细水长流。”

人离去的时候，留下的大概只有挂念，还有我们共同的期待。期待那个再度相逢的时日。

了解

一个最了解你的人，不一定是在你身边的人。他也许在远处观察你，关心你的生活。

我就认识这样的一个人。她是我的前老板。我们同事半年后，她便被另一家公司以高价聘请走。不过在短短半年内，她一直不断提拔我，让我从之前那份不愉快的工作中走出来，重拾信心，算是我的贵人。他如果不走，我现在的机遇可能会好很多。

半年前，比我晚进来的同事在毫无预兆的情况下升了职，令比她早加入的同事不服气。在大家的祝福声下，没有人察觉我的沉默。几个小时后，我在家里想到自己的努力被漠视了，突然哭了。几个星期后，我和旧老板见面后，他问起我对此事的感想。我叹了长长的一口气。原来在事业上，了解我心思的人就只有她。即使不在是同事，她仍然为我的待遇感到不平。

其实她一直有在邀请我加入她的集团，但被我婉拒了。总觉得，我在现在的职场，还有待学习、进步的空间。但就像旧老板说的，我总有一天会走的。不为什么，因为闷了，想寻求突破。

在事业上，我终究是个不安于室的人。而了解这一点的人，可惜的，不在我身边。

Closure

故事的最后是，她写了封电邮给他，祝愿他工作顺利。

当然--
也许他已经不记得她。
也许他会装作不记得她。
也许他会错过这封电邮。

又或者，他会大方地回答电邮，然后他们终于是朋友。

但他们不会亲近。
不可能亲近。
不可以亲近。

事过境迁，她知道自己又成长了一些。

傻瓜

今天有个傻瓜因为我挨饿了四个钟头。他十一点msn我问要不要吃午餐。我很饱，所以说不要那么早吃。其实是不想随意惹他误会。后来我也没多想便和同事吃饭。

下午三点多，他又msn我问吃饭了没。原来他一直傻傻地再等我说饿，然后和他吃饭。顿然，我觉得内疚又感动。可是还是觉得他笨。饿就吃，干嘛等来等去。傻瓜。

有时想问他到底是不是喜欢我，但又怕他说：“是啊。怎样？”

是啊。那我要怎样？

10 Things

Got tagged by my friend. Rule of the game is to state ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself.

In no particular order they are:

1. I made a lot of noise as a pre-school kid. I talked a lot, and I sang a lot. I would break into song during family gatherings, and demand that everyone sat around to hear me sing. My song repetoire? Liu Wen Zheng and Feng Fei Fei. (thanks to influence from my Dad who listens to them. Don't laugh. They were huge in the 80s, okay.)

2. Maybe I talked too much when I was very small. That's why I quietened down a lot when I got older. Another reason was I was targetted and kinda bullied twice in my earlier school years. In K1, this evil girl called Muimui told other kids "not to friend" me. In P1, this other evil girl called Joleen scribbled an extra "s" on some words in my spelling tests, causing me not to get full marks. I eventually told my mother, and my mother phoned the school to complain. You can be sure that my daughter will not be named Muimui or Joleen.

3. I was usually a very good and quiet kid in school but I flared up once in P3. My partner was in a really foul mood and she was snapping at me for every little small thing throughout the entire English lesson. My ruler kinda "drifted" onto her desk and she scolded me. Before I knew it, I had yelled at the top of my voice. The whole class stopped functioning. Everyone stared at us. The teacher punished my partner. I was let off because I was the teacher's pet. :)

4. In the early days of my childhood when my brother hadn't learnt how to talk, I grew up with 3 imaginary friends. Let's leave it as that.:)

5. Good kids sometimes get punished for no reason, and because we are good, we assumed that the beating was for a good reason. I had two memorable beatings from my parents for matters which was not my fault whatsoever. I got beaten by my Dad once cos my over-zealous Christian aunt decided to goad me into going to church with her. I didn't agree but my Dad assumed I did, and whacked me endlessly with the cane. Some years later, my mom whacked me like crazy when her teacher friend at my school told her my form teacher wanted to see her. The reason was not given but she whacked me anyway. When we finally saw my form teacher, she only wanted to tell my mother that I should speak up more in class. My mother went, "Chey, like that only ah." I never forgave that teacher friend of hers. Some people should just keep their mouths shut.

6. I was introduced to Mandarin Pop courtesy of my first idol, Ms Vivian Chow. The first song I heard when I tuned to FM 93.3 for the first time was "Jing Zai Bu Yan Zhong", and the program was the weekly Top 10 Charts. I loved the song straightaway. Hence, I tuned into the program every week onwards. That's how I picked up the other Mandarin pop songs quickly.

7. Trapped in a girls' school for 10 years, and an almost-all girl class in JC, I was very dim-witted when it came to anything related to BGR. In my late teens, at a student gathering, this guy who seemed interested in me asked me if I was attached. I said, "Attached to what?".

8. In my uni days, I once sang my compositions on stage. Famed music producer, Lee Wei Song, was at the concert, and told the student organisers that he was impressed and wished to see me. Because I didn't have a demo tape, I requested the organisers to give me a live recording of the performance. However, they dragged and took their own sweet time. By the time I got the tape, it was three months later and Lee Wei Song was in Taiwan already. My best shot at fame was gone. I was really sad for a long time after that.

9. Speaking of fame, I was on TV on two occasions. Once on "Jiao Dian" on Channel 8 in 1994, when they interviewed my massive extended family, and we all had to go cos it was a huge thing. Immediately after the show aired, I got calls from classmates and was bombarded by more people the next day in school. The next occasion I was on TV was in 2004 when I did a Channel U game show while interning at a production house, but this time no one noticed. Basically, I was part of the production crew, and I got into frame unintentionally a couple of times while running with my contestants. It was a hit and miss thing. I didn't see myself until I saw the video recording many times over.

10. I am an award-winning film-maker and scriptwriter, though not of extremely prestigous competitions. My video FYP beat out over 2500 entries from all over the world to make it to the top 100 films of the JVC Tokyo Film Festival in 2005. My entry was also the only Singaporean film. As for scripts, I got 2 merit awards in 2004 and 2006 for my first efforts in feature film writing and TV drama writing. Of course I won't let things rest like that. I will win more awards. More important ones too. Some day I believe it will happen. :)

眷恋

好友告诉我她发现了分隔了十年的初恋情人的行踪。对方当了教育部的老师，电邮地址出现在互联网上。她有想要和他相认的冲动，即使现在已经有交往五年的男友。

严格来说他们没有恋爱过，好友只是一直暗恋对方，默默关心他的生活。男孩当年是品学兼优的模范生、也是音乐才子，锋芒毕露。毕业时他还写了一封鼓励我朋友的信，令她感动多年。这封信她至今保留着。

我可以了解她情绪激动的理由，不过我无法确定她想重遇的动机。我问过她， 为什么一定要再次与他碰面，是要送上迟来的表白吗，还是追求一个未完成的梦？她笑着说不知道， 不过男友不在意，只求如果她执意要离开时，不要让他最后一个才知道。我不认识她男友，不过他不是一个好男人，就是一个懦夫。然而终究会断线的风筝，真的有挽留的意义吗？她毕竟爱他爱了十年。

当然这种爱并不纯正，它包含了多年下来的幻想、幻觉。像海市蜃楼，只是虚无缥缈的东西。毕竟得不到的永远最美。这种爱是富是祸或什么都不是，只有时间可以证明。又或许真见面了，却只是让幻想破灭，那还不如不见。

读过一封连环电邮，讲述移情别恋的人往往在新爱身上找到遍寻不到的十巴仙快乐，却因此而舍弃了和旧爱共有的九十巴仙的快乐，得不偿失。

当然，讽刺的是在我位朋友的这个例子里，我们已分不清哪个是旧爱，哪个是新欢。

The Secret Heaven

近期看了本地导演Sun Koh的“The Secret Heaven”，感触良多。影片讲述一个被母亲强迫练钢琴的小女孩。女孩因为又讨厌又害怕弹琴所以常常蹲在厕所里装肚子痛。母亲看不到孩子的难处，把她的行为归为叛逆，还常拿她和有音乐天分的大女儿相比。

看着电影， 我想起了我的过去。我没有弹琴天分，却应着父母的要求学了近十年的钢琴。显然的，我终究力不从心，没有把钢琴练的很好，因此常唉老师的骂。刚好我表弟也向 同个老师学习。他在弹琴天分上的幸运成了我的不幸，因为我常常被拿来跟他做比较。老师说不明白我为什么无法象一般学琴者享受弹琴的乐趣。我当时年级小也不 知道我为什么办不到，只好默认了我就是技不如人。

后来到了中学，我再次被父母所迫读音乐选修课(这代替了家政)。我那时真的好乖完全不懂得反击，父母叫我做什么我就乖乖从命。于是我又过着难唉的日子。我 一直拼命努力但音乐成绩依然差强人意，永远被音乐天分较佳的同学抛在后头。老师甚至根据我们的音乐造诣，将我们分成三班进行补习。我自然被派到最烂的班， 补习时间比别班多上一倍，信心也跌到谷地。

那是一段辛苦的十年。这是有音乐天分的人无法想象的痛苦。

如果当初我父母仔细观察，他们就会发现我比较喜欢画画与设计。音乐算是阻碍了我钻研艺术的机会。我也常想如果凭直觉弃音乐，追逐艺术，最后的路会如何。

如果说我人生有什么遗憾，应该就是这个吧。

计较与比较

计较
我的剧本创作“Routine”在亲友的祝福下，得到了三百元的勉励奖。无法超越自己两年前的成就，我多少感到有些失落，不过 落败不是没有原因。比赛的三甲得主都是电视媒体工作者，个个都是职业编剧。其中一位是每年的常胜军。

这位仁兄是有着十多年经验的编剧，还曾是我老师在电视 台的同事。据老师说，此人曾经违反比赛规则而遭淘汰。当时新传媒员工被禁止参加比赛，这位仁兄便以假名参赛，结果到场领奖的竟是一位老婆婆。老婆婆被问到 剧本内容竟达不出一个字。奸计被识破，然而主办单位仍然让他再来届比赛中参赛，令人费解。坦白说，他年年得奖，才华早被肯定，他要的显然不是名，而是利。 今年此人变本加厉参加了五个作品，还每个都得奖。老师过后替我抱不平，但我也释怀了。要玩这样的游戏，就得接受这样的规矩。我不知道我还得花多少年时间才 可以打败这位先生，但我期待这一天的来到。

比较
自 从更换老板心里一直不踏实，总有怀才不遇的感觉。而且部门越变越大，成就自然就更容易被漠视。有时感到严重失望的时候，就会想要换个工作算了。不过一旦和 别人 比较时，就会发现我没有想象中的不幸。我有些朋友天天工作至十点钟，到家还有继续做。假日时得到老板电话，还要回到公司。现在她忙得连觉都睡不好、饭也吃 不好。待遇方面好像要没有多我多少。不要说别公司的朋友。就连同公司、同职位但不同部门的同事也有较差的待遇。

从朋友的悲哀中来缓和自己的失落多少也觉得讽刺。

天啊，送我一些更可靠的朋友

我的星期六原本可以过得很开心，但如今却在家里过。因为两个字：爽约。而且是被两组人。也不知道是不是八字出了问题，我还蛮常遭人爽约。

我觉得人应该对别人维持一些基本礼貌。不能碰面就拜托你让我很早就知道。不要以为是朋友就可以或必接受临时更改约会。你要明白，我的时间拨给你，就代表我推掉了其他的事情。任何事都是有Opportunity cost 懂不懂？世界不是，也不该绕着你一个人转。

而且如果真的逼不得已一定要更改约会日期，我觉得礼貌上要亲自道歉。不要随便传个简讯就想了事。

我实在不能接受“忘记日期”这个借口。有一种东西叫organiser，记性不好就去买一个。拜托，帮你自己一个大忙。

看来圣诞时，要买好几个organiser送人。

快乐,不快乐

一周间，经历了快乐也尝尽了失落。

一周前~

首先是一大早就突然有灵感，要如何完成一个在我心里沉睡多年的剧本。相信在不久后终于可以完成这个故事。这个剧本如果发展得不错，我打算砸钱把它拍成短片。

还有我 终于和一个近期很想合作的同事碰了面。其实我想换部门有一段时间了。和这个同事碰面的其中一个原因就是想了解他的新部门的运作。他人比我想象中友善好 多。我们聊了一个半小时，他邀请我加入他的一个team。而这个team的领队刚好又是另一个我很想合作的同事。(我也同时对其他的部门感兴趣)。顿时觉 得我换职一事还颇有希望!当然一切还言之过早，一切还得看后天的努力，但至少我可以理所当然地接近我想接近的人。

然后是我接获“Routine”入围剧本创作比赛，有望摘下大奖。我已经收到邀请涵，会参加颁奖礼。到时会有多个圈内名人，光想就十分兴奋。

一周后~
得到了一年一度的员工奖励花红，结果比想象中差。失望是必然的，不过早有心里准备。自从很照顾我的两个上司在去年上旬相续离职后，我的机遇就大不如前。再没有人罩着我，没有人关心我事业上的未来。

我现在的老板不是不好，而是他们和我直接合作的机会很少，而真正和我时常接洽的上司显然地没有帮我争取更好的待遇。所以我的成就逃过了大老板的眼睛。当然这样下去不是办法，我也在想法子为自己找机会。好工作难找。好老板更是难求。我突然担心起我的将来。

Happy Feet Vs Cars

Finally finished 'Happy Feet'. It's not better than 'Cars', Pixar's most mediocre work to date.

I can't say it was deserving of the animated picture oscar. I have to watch 'Monster's House' to decide. But then again, what difference would it make? The awards have been doled out, and nothing will change the winners, no matter whether they deserved it or not.

Of course, winning isn't everything. Some movies withstand the test of time and go on to become classics, even though their brillance didn't stand out in the beginning. 'Citizen Kane', Bonnie & Clyde' come to mind.

'Happy Feet' isn't entirely crap. It has a pretty good premise, and some bits of originality, something 'Cars' lacked. With 'Cars', it was very much travelling on a straight road with no view. I already knew the ending even without finishing the first act. I can't even remember the title character's name.

I laughed with the 5 mini penguins, the chief saving grace of this let-down. Story-wise, it was ill-developed, and scenes didn't link well or flow into one another. But it was cute that they integrated live action elements into the otherwise visually boring film.

Pixar recently recruited Michael Arndt, writer of LMS, and he's writing 'Toy Story 3'. Let's hope Pixar lives up to its good name again.

The Little Movie That Could But Didn't

And so, as oscar bloggers predicted, my fave movie of 2006, Little Miss Sunshine loses the Big One. Falling victim to a premature frontrunner status (thanks to its PGA and Screen Actors Guild awards), LMS found itself subjected to unprecedented backlash from audiences who once claimed that they enjoyed the movie. Unfortunately, most audiences, like the academy, suffer from genre biases too, and a comedy winning Best Picture is just an unthinkable thought.

It did not come as a surprise then, that The Departed soon caught up with the race to surpass LMS as the leader of the pack. Some rumours regarding support for Babel surged over the past few days, making it a three-legged race between Babel, LMS and Departed. However, the worries were unfounded. Babel only managed one weak win in Best Original Score (for a very original sounding score indeed), despite topping the charts with 7 noms amongst the Best Picture nominees.

I watched the Oscars live for the first time, and at the beginning after Alan Arkin pulled an upset win over Eddie Murphy, and Babel won score unexpectedly, I thought - "Now this is going to be interesting." Editing which had yet to come then, was said to be a toss-up between Departed and Babel. If Babel won Editing, then it will be 2 wins a-piece for the 3 Best Picture Nominees (since the categories for 2 screenplay categories and director were locked). But when Departed took Editing, I knew almost for sure that we had our Best Picture winner. And so, it was.

What did it feel like watching the Oscars live? Well, not very fun. This year's show was soooo long. It clocked at around 4 hours and 17 minutes. Ellen Degeneres tried her best, but some of the jokes fell flat, and the opening sequence with the nominees talking just did not work. We didn't know or cared for 80% of them. It was a bad way to start the show. Also, what is with the shortened acting clips of nominees? Each clip only had like 10 or 15 seconds at most. Acting clips are one of the best stuff audiences look forward to within a long show that drones on. It doesn't do justice to the artistes' work. It was also a let-down that most winners read off lists, and almost none of the acceptance speeches were inspiring. Perhaps Helen Mirren's was the best. But that's partly because she has admirable confidence and air. And I must say, I hate it when the announcer say that Departed is based on a Japanese film. Hello? Didn't you do your research properly for such a big event? Have some respect for the original film-makers!

Of course there were some fun bits. I like the "shadow play" performers. Like a style reminiscent of wayang kulit, dancers in skin-tight bodysuits went behind a white screen and showed us motifs of some of the nominated films. For LMS, it was the bus. For Departed, the gun. And my fave - for Happy Feet, we saw the 'silhouettes' of the 5 pint-sized "amigo" penguins! I also liked the fuss-free way of introducing the 5 Best Picture nominees. Instead of having people come out to introduce them, the producers cut to the chase and showed us scenes from the movie, which included narration from a key cast member or director on how this film was put together and how much it meant to them. Francis Ford Coppola, Steven Spielberg and George Lukas cracked me up when they joked while presenting Best Director.

I'm also glad "Cars", the movie that induced me to sleep, lost. I'm not sure if "Happy Feet" is a deserved winner, yet to finish it. I'm not so glad that "Dead Men's Chest", the only movie that put me to sleep twice in a single screening, walked away with one win, in visual effects.

In terms of fashion, I thought the best-dressed person was Nicole Kidman in bright red (think she celebrated CNY too, haha!). Emily Blunt is resplendant in shimmery blue. Rachel Weisz and Cate Blancett also looked very elegant like sliver and grey respectively.

Will I watch Oscars again next year? Hmm, I dunno. Depends how much I love the movies this year!

金枝欲孽(warning: spoilers ahead)

“金枝欲孽”终于落幕了。结局很悲情，死亡未必痛苦，活著未必幸福。明白为何这么多人看完了剧集后，沉重心情久久不能平复。

虽然每个人都在害别人，不过都是因为太爱另一个人，甚至有些到了盲目爱慕的地步。尔淳和玉莹是孝顺父母、如妃是关切女儿、安茜是为奶奶报仇、小禄子和孙大人和陈爽是因为狂恋一个女人。最后谁是真正关心皇上的？我相信就是那位丧心病狂的皇后。

为什么“金枝欲孽”那么引人入胜？因为我相信每个人都有劣性。我们和剧中人的相似处比我们想像得多。

做 了一个趣味测验，测试自己最像剧中的哪个妃嫔。结果我像的竟是尔淳。一直不太喜爱尔淳，因为她很阴沉，又不笑。不过到了故事的结尾，不禁觉得她很可伶。 被义父利用、亲姐姐在没告知身份就死去、怀了不爱的男人的小孩、无家可归、无依无靠，确实挺惨。难忘她知道安茜将死之后的反应。善于尔虞吾诈的尔淳变成了 一个无助的小孩。她求安茜活著，以后好她做什么都行。

弟弟诧异为什么平时斗个你死我活的人最后竟一个个关心彼此的死活。也许这是人的天性吧。在陌生人与同校或同公司但不熟的人，人都是会自然的想要接近和自己有些关联的人。

究竟我有多像尔淳，我想多少是有像的。至少不是像那个阴晴不定、沉不住气的玉莹。

Terrible Chinese New Year Ahead

The coming multiple CNY holiday is going to be a dread for me. Firstly, we have very few people to visit. Mt great grandma died some time ago, so the extended family is not celebrating CNY in memory of her death. Secondly I'm going to have to see my aunts (on my paternal side) whom I will dislike till the end of time cos of the ingratitude they showed us a few years ago. Then, my foreign relatives are coming to visit. A whole lot of them - from HK and China. That means my parents are going to spend time taking them around. That also means my siblings and I have been relegated to guard the house. I can't imagine what kind of joy I could derive from that. Some people should have the common sense to know that CNY is not a good time to come holidaying in Singapore, and expecting us to bring them around. My parents being the kind (and sometimes too kind for their good) people that they are will definitely want to attend to them, thus inconveniencing the entire family. Their pleasure at our expense. Boy, do I hate rude people.

Maybe I will invite friends over to my house. Provided they are having as boring a time as I am this holidays. For their sake, I hope not.

Oscar Predictions 2006

I can't rem when I started being attracted to the Oscars and making a point to follow it religiously. This year, I have vested interest cos one of my fave movies, "Little Miss Sunshine" is in the running for the big prize - Best Picture (BP). I've not seen most of the movies this season, but I'm going to make my predix for the Big 8 anyway. Just for fun. *denotes my prediction.

Best Adapted Screenplay

“Borat”
“Children of Men”
“The Departed”*
“Little Children”
“Notes on a Scandal”

Predix: It's highly likely that "The Departed" will prevail, just cos it's the only one in the running for BP. BP winners usually get an accompanying screenplay award. However, I (and most of Asia) don't think it surpasses "Infernal Affairs". But we are not part of AMPAS, so it doesn't matter. The spoiler could be "Borat" because it's different and challenges convention. If "Borat" wins, I think it's the first film without a screenplay to achieve this accolade."Children of Men" seems likely too, and has been gaining momentum I hear.

Best Original Screenplay

“Babel”
“Letters from Iwo Jima”
“Little Miss Sunshine” *
“Pan's Labyrinth”
“The Queen”

Predix: Critics are torn between "The Queen" and "LMS". Either is likely. Once again, the one who wins will have the better shot at BP. My guess is LMS, cos the writing is the essence of the movie in this case. So, why not award a writer, Michael Arnt, who struggled on his first screenplay for 5 years due to financial difficulties, got fired off by the studio cos he's not A-list enough, only to be asked back cos the studio finally realised that he's good and irreplacable. Everyone loves an underdog!

Best Director

Alejandro González Iñárritu“Babel”
Martin Scorsese* “The Departed”
Clint Eastwood “Letters from Iwo Jima”
Stephen Frears “The Queen”
Paul Greengrass “United 93”

Predix: Everyone think it's Marty's year. I think so too. Not cos he's the best in the list, but because he is due. If he loses to Eastwood again, I think he will cry in the toilet. The moral of the story - give people the oscar when they deserve it, regardless of age, experience, etc. Marty deserved the oscar in his heyday when he did 'Raging Bull", "Taxi Driver", but somehow he got booted by someone senior cos he wasn't due yet. Now it's his turn to boot other worthy people off. And so the cycle continues.

Best Actor in a Supporting Role

Alan Arkin *“Little Miss Sunshine”
Jackie Earle Haley“Little Children”
Djimon Hounsou“Blood Diamond”
Eddie Murphy“Dreamgirls”
Mark Wahlberg“The Departed”

Predix: Current frontrunner is Murphy but I think Arkin could cause an upset due to popularity of LMS, though he's not the best in his film (Steve Carrell is, in my opinion). If there is a surprise element, which there usually is, in every Oscar, it has to be this category. Haley I hear is superb in his film but his win rests on the conservative mindsets of AMPAS. Will they honour someone for the role for a sex offender?

Best Actress in a Supporting Role
Adriana Barraza“Babel”
Cate Blanchett“Notes on a Scandal”
Abigail Breslin“Little Miss Sunshine”
Jennifer Hudson *“Dreamgirls”
Rinko Kikuchi“Babel”

Predix: This is the category which is most pro-newcomer and pro-children. Ex winners include people in their film debuts and a 10 year-old. Hudson has garnered the most precursor support and it is likely to remain this way. Breslin is the spoiler. I'm guessing either Arkin or Breslin will pull off an upset, but not simultaneously.

Best Actor in a Leading Role
Leonardo DiCaprio“Blood Diamond”
Ryan Gosling“Half Nelson”
Peter O'Toole“Venus”
Will Smith“The Pursuit of Happyness”
Forest Whitaker *“The Last King of Scotland”

Predix: Whitaker is the frontrunner, and he deserves it for the passion that he soaks his craft in. O'Toole is second only because he has lost 7 times before, and voters may choose him out of sympathy only.

Best Actress in a Leading Role
Penélope Cruz“Volver”
Judi Dench“Notes on a Scandal”
Helen Mirren *“The Queen”
Meryl Streep“The Devil Wears Prada”
Kate Winslet“Little Children”

Predix: I don't think there is a need for discussion. Mirren has achieved lock status, and is as definite to winning as Julia Roberts did in 2000. Streep is a distant second. Comedy is always underrated and Streep is sheer delight in her comic turn.

Best Picture
“Babel”*
“The Departed”
“Letters from Iwo Jima”
“Little Miss Sunshine”
“The Queen”

This is the most wide open oscar race in recent memory. The various films have awards spread out between them, so any is possible. My guess is Babel or LMS. Babel brings forward an all important message - communication barriers and the lack of listening/understanding, a universal theme that is all the more imperative in this age of war and terrorism. Other pluses include its scale of production - the largest compared to the other noms as it spans 3 continents, and also let's not forget the so-called important editing nom. Most BPs come with best editing wins. The last BP to overrule this convention was 1980's "Ordinary People". This year only "Babel" and "The Departed" scored editing nods, and are therefore considered the frontrunners by default. "LMS" is the dark horse and underdog. It is the odd one out in the group, and in this time and turmoil, perhaps a comedy will be awarded a win again. A lot of people think "LMS" is too slight and feel good to take the top prize, but I think it is underrated. Many scenes are too familiar, hence we take them for granted, but it is a reflection of ourselves, and I somehow feel it is more important that people really think.

And in the words of Meryl Streep, "That's all".

Letter From An Unknown Woman

最近在网上读了一篇关于一部老电影的剧情简介，感动久久不息。这就是1948由当年金牌女主角Joan Fontaine主演的爱情悲剧“Letter From An Unknown Woman”。

此片推出时，在美国反应平平，也没有入围任何奖项。然而和“Citizen Kane”一样，它经得起时间的考验，半个世纪后的今天仍然是电影系学生热爱讨论的影片。几年前，内地导演徐静蕾更将它改编，排成中文片。

故事很简单，主要讲述一个女子用尽大半辈子去狂恋、迷恋、暗恋一个始终记不起她的男人。严格来说他们的人生只交叉过三回，每次她抱着希望与他相逢，但每次男人只把她当成一个新猎物，让她带着失望而归。为了这个男人，她离家出走、未婚先孕、还因为生活嫁了一个她不爱的男人。最后她与儿子患了致命传染病，在她临死前，她终于写了一封信给男人，倾诉这段缠绕她一生的爱恋，为她遗憾的生命做个了结。

电影一开始，男主角的仆人接到了一个妒忌丈夫的邀约，指男主角勾引他妻子，希望他们能进行一场生死决斗。男主角嗤之以鼻，平日捏花惹草的他对这类指控司空见惯，他甚至不记得这是哪个女人的丈夫。但因为听闻对方是神剑手，于是他打算连夜逃跑。这时仆人带来一封没有署名的信，笔者正是女主角。

信写道：“By the time you read this letter, I may be dead. I have so much to tell you and perhaps very little time. Will I ever send it? I don't know. I must find strength to write now before it's too late, and as I write it may become clear that what happened to us had its own reason beyond our poor understanding. If this reaches you, you will know how I became yours, when you didn't know who I was, or even that I existed.”

多么凄美的字句，多么心碎的决裂。对男人而言，她不过是段露水姻缘，但对女人来说，他却是她一生的主宰。在他来不及知道他所拥有的，他已经失去了。

故事的最终，男主角终于从尘封的记忆里记起了女人，然而他始终不知道她的名字。这时仆人告诉了他，女人叫“Lisa”。连仆人都记得她，自己却一直漠视她的存在，男人十分惭愧。从信中，他知道那位要和他一决生死的正是女人的丈夫。男主角嘴里不断念着“Lisa”，最后他决定了赴约，面对女人丈夫的挑战，以他仅有的生命报答女人一世的深情......

好久不见

我们六、七年没见面了。我和我的朋友。

我们中一认识，一路同校到高中。后来我们到不同大学就读，分道扬镳，就几乎断了音讯。但由于生日日期相近,几乎每年还是会捎来生日祝福。今年也不例外。我在简单的简讯里加上一句客套的“Let's meet up soon”，没想到她爽快地提议几天后见面,于是我们重逢了。

多年不见，我当然有点担心我我们之间会存有隔阂，没想到，我们仍然有默契，一个下午说说笑笑，相处得比我们从前还融洽。时光仿佛倒流到我们的青葱岁月，刹那间我有种错觉，好像我们这些年从来没有分开过。

散会时，我知道我们会继续联络，而且无须再等个六、七年。原来真正的朋友就身边的影子一样，即使许久不见、不留意，一个转身，就会发现他一直都在。

令人感动的演唱会 @2006

Part One: Sandy Lam
我从不看演唱会，因为觉得许多歌手现场演唱的功力远不如CD水准。然而我为了林忆莲破例了。Sandy一直是我觉得在中文乐坛上唱得最棒的女歌手。我刚听流行乐的时候，她就已经是天后了。后来掘起的Faye Wong, Sammi Cheng也无法取代她。“夜色无边”演唱会上所展现的实力在一次奠定了她不可动摇的原因。

演唱会有三个令人感动、震撼的片段：
1) 伦永亮 带动全场观众一起合唱“当爱已成往事”。
2) Sandy以歌影剧方式飙高音演唱“玫瑰香”。
3) Sandy特别为新加坡歌迷献唱安哥歌曲“Almost Over You”

我很少听英文歌，所以是首次听这受感人的情歌，乍听下有点像“听说爱情回来过”的意境。

Almost Over You 歌词
“I saw an old friend of ours today
She asked about you and I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been makin' the rounds round here
While I've been tryin' to make the tears disappear

Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you

You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart
For you leavin' come easy but it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know
'Cause it seems like forever but I'm lettin' you go

Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you

I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams
You took the love that you wanted and left me the misery

Now I'm almost over you
I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around
After painting the town you'll see
That I'm almost over you"

Part Two: Vivian Chow
除了Sandy的Concert, 我也幸运地观看了周慧敏的Back For Love Concert，不过是DVD。(要我为她飞到香港还是有点难。)令我感动的不单演唱会，而是送我DVD的人。这位住在台湾的网友知道我在新加坡买不到周慧敏的Concert DVD，便在旅游香港的同时，买了DVD并邮寄给我。严格说，我跟这位网友不算熟络，交谈了近三年吧，但次数不多，然而她却这么有善心，令我十分感动。原来世界上还是有无私的人，而我幸运地认识了她。

周慧敏的Concert论唱功、舞蹈、震撼度都不如林忆莲，但毕竟阔别十二年,依然是令歌迷感动、感慨的。印象最深的有：
1)Vivian与林隆璇在两个舞台上四手连弹并合唱“流言”
2)Vivian在安哥时叙述忠实的歌迷群知道演唱会宣传标语着“因为爱，所以回来”，都回应她说，“因为爱，所以等待”,令她感动
3) Vivian借歌表情意，面对倪震演唱“为你”。这首歌当年沦为第三、四波，不算红，我的印象也不深，现在重听，别有一番味道和感动。

“为你” 词 :蔡国权

无论是晴是阴暗无论快乐与忧心
期待漫长路有你共行
无论路程是远近无论面临是苦困
仍然只想跟你过一生

谁没被名利吸引平淡却是我所争
期待漫长夜有你莅临
奉上热诚的慰问奉上肩膊做倚靠
平凡之中都已觉得兴奋
讲不出那样吸引或是命中缘分
能相识到你太幸运
谁令我安份
讲不出那份感觉像幻梦竟变真
彼此感觉那点真

为你我情愿改变为你我愿意牺牲
为你任何事我也都应允

Goodbye 2006, you have been good to me!

2006对我来说是个好年份。当然也不是喜事连篇，但比前几年都好多了。I wanted to write an entry on my milestones for 2006. I started writing in late Dec until yesterday, when I realised that I was boring myself with the content, and finally realised that I had no interest in finishing it. Hence I'm just going to post one portion of it.