昔日同窗雪慧在Facebook上寄了一个friend request。认识我十年以上的好友都会记得雪慧曾在十一年前严重出卖过我。陈年往事，来龙去脉就不写了。有半年时间，每想到她的背叛，我都一定哭。所幸，到目前为止雪慧是唯一出卖过我的朋友。
我记得那时刚进大一。友情决裂后，我自叹倒霉。大学生涯才刚开始，意味着我还要花4年时间面对一个敌人。我们科系太小，常有合作的机会。时间久了，我学会掩饰我对她的敌意，但毕业后我们就断了联系。偶尔从共同的朋友口中知道她的近况，知道她在报社混地不好，没有延续梦想的记者工作，最后结婚生子，投入家庭。
我在Facebook写着不知要不要accept 十年前的仇人的friend request，便有好几个大学同学算出那正是我们同在南大的日子，纷纷八卦地问我是谁。最后我透过MSN与一位同学倾诉心声，没想到字打到一半，竟然落泪了。
我很震惊。我以为经过十一年，时间早已冲淡所有不好的心情。可是，原来愤怒与怨恨的烙印可以褪掉，但那份被好友出卖过的伤痛永远都在。没有所谓原不原谅，如果要归咎，就是我当时太看重友情。我无法接受随意伤害我的人，就是我自认为好友的人。
眼泪替我整理了思绪，原来决定那么容易。我删除了friend request。吃一次亏，学一次乖。我不敢再冒这个险。这辈子，杨雪慧都不会再是我的朋友。
不然就枉费了我的眼泪。
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
York Boon
一直以为有你的号码，所以没想到要联络。如今想联络，发现我们太遥远...
对这位前老板有着复杂的感情。我一直怨恨他漠视我在工作上的表现，给了以为比我晚进公司的同事擢升，就因为她长得美 （我认为）。不过比起会我曾遇过脾气又臭、会公报私仇的女主管, 他的人品又太好了。他是一个真心关心下属的人，但由于职务繁多，他常力不从心，所以又欠缺诚恳性。我是喜欢他的人品，但我们不适合当主仆。我一直记得他被调职时所说的，他不认为我们这群下属有能力接替副主管的位置。那句话宛如当头棒喝，当下我知道再待下去永远不会有作为。几个月后，我离职了。
三年来，没见面，听说他在新职位处得不好，不得下属认同。也听说他莫名患口腔癌，又离奇恢复，如今口齿没当年地清晰。
然后， 便是他离职的消息。这点让我太吃惊，因为在我的印象，他是少数对公司愚忠的人。可见其中必定有隐情。他人缘不好，所以得知他去向的人不多，好像大家都没兴趣知道。除了我。
原本以为永远失去联络的人，感谢神通广大的互联网，轻而易举给我查到他的动向。写了一封电邮，很快地得到答复。简短、工整又不失温暖的慰问。有些事情不会改变。他曾经不赏识我，但我还是相信他是一个重感情的人。从他电邮中文字的字体、颜色、大小、多年来不变，就能看得出来。
对这位前老板有着复杂的感情。我一直怨恨他漠视我在工作上的表现，给了以为比我晚进公司的同事擢升，就因为她长得美 （我认为）。不过比起会我曾遇过脾气又臭、会公报私仇的女主管, 他的人品又太好了。他是一个真心关心下属的人，但由于职务繁多，他常力不从心，所以又欠缺诚恳性。我是喜欢他的人品，但我们不适合当主仆。我一直记得他被调职时所说的，他不认为我们这群下属有能力接替副主管的位置。那句话宛如当头棒喝，当下我知道再待下去永远不会有作为。几个月后，我离职了。
三年来，没见面，听说他在新职位处得不好，不得下属认同。也听说他莫名患口腔癌，又离奇恢复，如今口齿没当年地清晰。
然后， 便是他离职的消息。这点让我太吃惊，因为在我的印象，他是少数对公司愚忠的人。可见其中必定有隐情。他人缘不好，所以得知他去向的人不多，好像大家都没兴趣知道。除了我。
原本以为永远失去联络的人，感谢神通广大的互联网，轻而易举给我查到他的动向。写了一封电邮，很快地得到答复。简短、工整又不失温暖的慰问。有些事情不会改变。他曾经不赏识我，但我还是相信他是一个重感情的人。从他电邮中文字的字体、颜色、大小、多年来不变，就能看得出来。
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
My #1 Pet Peeve
I do not like people cancelling dates on me. I just don't. There are many reasons why people cancel on dates, some people do it in advance, some people do it one hr before they are due to meet you. While I can live with the former, it is best served with an apology, preferably by phone or in person (never email or worse, sms), and (get this in your brain) an alternative.
Without an alternative, or an apology, the message you are sending is... "Someone more important just showed up, I gotta bump you outta my life. I'm only sorry because you are my spare tyre, and you have to learn it this way."
Maybe some people can live with being second best, but I can't. I like to think that I give my friends respect, and I hope they accord me with the same treatment. My time is just as valuable as yours. If we fixed a date, it means I blocked those hours JUST FOR YOU. It means I didn't plan anything with anyone else. If you cancel on me, it means...you know what... I might just have nothing to do that day. So, you wasted my life.
I guess my pet peeve all started in 2008 when I got mass-cancelled on by 3 friends on a Sunday date meant for 5. We were supposed to go ktv. Within 2 hrs of the date, 3 cancelled citing all sorts of weird excuses -- sick, work, and get this... gotta help mother do housework. It's interesting that you realise you are violently ill just 2 hrs before our date which we planned a month ago. It's also interesting that you are exploited by your boss and you are ok with it. And it's most hilarious that you are filial to your mom when you realise that 2 out of 4 of your friends are not going to ktv with you. I was already on my way to the date, so the 4th friend agreed to meet me afterall, but she was about 1 hour late, and by then I was already fuming. On my way home I remembered it poured heavily, and I had only mt tiny blue umbrella for shelter. I thought to myself, "If I fell and got run down by a car now because I showed up for a date which didn't happen, would any of my friends that cancelled on me feel bad?" My friendship with all 3 died that year because they didn't offer the apology or alternative I was waiting for. I was disappointed but not really sad. I guess our friendship died a long time ago, which is way I was not on their priority list that rainy weekend.
Since then I've been cancelled on many other times. 2 recent examples were: 1) a friend who claimed she was busy with work, then updated her facebook to say how much she loved watching "Thor" with her husband that same day she was supposed to go out with me. I gave her a piece of my mind via her FB wall and her insincere sms explanation. 2) my brother cancelling a date with me to go out with this girl he fancied. And when it was all over, he told me "I don't even regret it." The only reason I didn't want to quarrel with him that night was because it would affect my sleep.
I try to send a strong msg on how this is really a pet peeve to me. Most people do learn from their mistake and apologise. Others are less sensitive. Those people I just cut them loose from my life. Because they are so insensitive, they probably don't know it.
The good side to this is, it has made me treasure friends who DO make time for me. Sincerity goes a long way and it can't be taught. Would I take a friend who's cancelled on me back? Perhaps, if he/she apologises in person or by phone, and what the heck, email and sms is ok depending on how much I used to like the person. Afterall, sometimes people do learn from mistakes. And I can to, from making friends with the wrong person once.
Without an alternative, or an apology, the message you are sending is... "Someone more important just showed up, I gotta bump you outta my life. I'm only sorry because you are my spare tyre, and you have to learn it this way."
Maybe some people can live with being second best, but I can't. I like to think that I give my friends respect, and I hope they accord me with the same treatment. My time is just as valuable as yours. If we fixed a date, it means I blocked those hours JUST FOR YOU. It means I didn't plan anything with anyone else. If you cancel on me, it means...you know what... I might just have nothing to do that day. So, you wasted my life.
I guess my pet peeve all started in 2008 when I got mass-cancelled on by 3 friends on a Sunday date meant for 5. We were supposed to go ktv. Within 2 hrs of the date, 3 cancelled citing all sorts of weird excuses -- sick, work, and get this... gotta help mother do housework. It's interesting that you realise you are violently ill just 2 hrs before our date which we planned a month ago. It's also interesting that you are exploited by your boss and you are ok with it. And it's most hilarious that you are filial to your mom when you realise that 2 out of 4 of your friends are not going to ktv with you. I was already on my way to the date, so the 4th friend agreed to meet me afterall, but she was about 1 hour late, and by then I was already fuming. On my way home I remembered it poured heavily, and I had only mt tiny blue umbrella for shelter. I thought to myself, "If I fell and got run down by a car now because I showed up for a date which didn't happen, would any of my friends that cancelled on me feel bad?" My friendship with all 3 died that year because they didn't offer the apology or alternative I was waiting for. I was disappointed but not really sad. I guess our friendship died a long time ago, which is way I was not on their priority list that rainy weekend.
Since then I've been cancelled on many other times. 2 recent examples were: 1) a friend who claimed she was busy with work, then updated her facebook to say how much she loved watching "Thor" with her husband that same day she was supposed to go out with me. I gave her a piece of my mind via her FB wall and her insincere sms explanation. 2) my brother cancelling a date with me to go out with this girl he fancied. And when it was all over, he told me "I don't even regret it." The only reason I didn't want to quarrel with him that night was because it would affect my sleep.
I try to send a strong msg on how this is really a pet peeve to me. Most people do learn from their mistake and apologise. Others are less sensitive. Those people I just cut them loose from my life. Because they are so insensitive, they probably don't know it.
The good side to this is, it has made me treasure friends who DO make time for me. Sincerity goes a long way and it can't be taught. Would I take a friend who's cancelled on me back? Perhaps, if he/she apologises in person or by phone, and what the heck, email and sms is ok depending on how much I used to like the person. Afterall, sometimes people do learn from mistakes. And I can to, from making friends with the wrong person once.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Calder
http://www.cafemom.com/group/112775/forums/read/13322295/What_its_like_to_live_with_autism
看了这篇报道，不胜唏嘘。这孩子未出世前，我就知道他。他母亲与我在十多年前在一个歌曲创作人社团中认识，后来成了一片歌手的“心微”。这位大我约七岁的姐姐对我十分友善、热心。后来，创作人社团解散了，我们失联了几年。偶然地，我参加了歌曲创作比赛，这位姐姐意外地是评判。比赛后，再次联络，她帮我做了一项和音乐有关的功课。这之后不久，她便结婚了，那时邀请我但我没去。然后两年后她怀孕了，传了一通简讯给朋友们，请大家帮她想由K或C开头的男孩名字。我提议了Keagan，她没答复，我们再次失联。如今，再次得到她的消息，她成了写自闭儿童故事的作者妈妈。书中的Calder便是当年的孩子。
世事难料，好人不见得有好报。自闭儿童妈妈的背后藏着多少的心酸和坚强，也不是三言两语解释地出来。想写封email给她可是不懂要说什么才不显得虚伪、做作。从这篇文章看来，她早已平复心情，化悲愤为力量，如今利用写作才华创作一个让其他自闭儿童家长分享经验的管道。这个母亲的伟大，让我钦佩。
看了这篇报道，不胜唏嘘。这孩子未出世前，我就知道他。他母亲与我在十多年前在一个歌曲创作人社团中认识，后来成了一片歌手的“心微”。这位大我约七岁的姐姐对我十分友善、热心。后来，创作人社团解散了，我们失联了几年。偶然地，我参加了歌曲创作比赛，这位姐姐意外地是评判。比赛后，再次联络，她帮我做了一项和音乐有关的功课。这之后不久，她便结婚了，那时邀请我但我没去。然后两年后她怀孕了，传了一通简讯给朋友们，请大家帮她想由K或C开头的男孩名字。我提议了Keagan，她没答复，我们再次失联。如今，再次得到她的消息，她成了写自闭儿童故事的作者妈妈。书中的Calder便是当年的孩子。
世事难料，好人不见得有好报。自闭儿童妈妈的背后藏着多少的心酸和坚强，也不是三言两语解释地出来。想写封email给她可是不懂要说什么才不显得虚伪、做作。从这篇文章看来，她早已平复心情，化悲愤为力量，如今利用写作才华创作一个让其他自闭儿童家长分享经验的管道。这个母亲的伟大，让我钦佩。
Monday, February 28, 2011
为艺术燃烧的热情
一年一度的妆艺大游行在一片七彩烟火的炮声下，亮丽地结束了两晚两小时的圆满演出。
今年，我首次有幸带领近一百名学生参与盛会，表演一段长达20分钟的嘻哈舞蹈。台前的亮眼演出，隐藏着学生们过去六个月来所付出的新血。这包括策划、编舞、排舞、服装造型设计等，每项都是在课业以外的 时间。乘以93人的辛劳。“台上一分钟，台下十年功”，这句话绝对不假。然而，辛苦的背后，我看到了燃烧不尽的热情和迅速萌芽的革命感情。这是年轻的力量。此情此景烙印我脑海里，根深蒂固。
学生时代的我，专攻课业，没什么参加许多课外以免分心，年轻时错过了这些，课堂以外的宝贵的人生体验。如今以教育员工身份弥补曾经的遗憾，也是一种奇特的安慰。
今年，我首次有幸带领近一百名学生参与盛会，表演一段长达20分钟的嘻哈舞蹈。台前的亮眼演出，隐藏着学生们过去六个月来所付出的新血。这包括策划、编舞、排舞、服装造型设计等，每项都是在课业以外的 时间。乘以93人的辛劳。“台上一分钟，台下十年功”，这句话绝对不假。然而，辛苦的背后，我看到了燃烧不尽的热情和迅速萌芽的革命感情。这是年轻的力量。此情此景烙印我脑海里，根深蒂固。
学生时代的我，专攻课业，没什么参加许多课外以免分心，年轻时错过了这些，课堂以外的宝贵的人生体验。如今以教育员工身份弥补曾经的遗憾，也是一种奇特的安慰。
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