Blue Doors Ahead

FIR乐团“爱歌姬”专辑有首由Faye词曲的爵士英文歌“Blue Doors Ahead"，很耐听。其实Faye是蔡依林的大学同学，专攻英文学，所以写英文歌，是顺理成章的尝试。歌词意境确实很美，可是英文语法是一大败笔。

先看歌词：

"Blue Doors Ahead
I stand up high
plunge in this splendid city light
There's no one but me
with gravity I can measure life

I try to hide
from your love and pride
So many times
I found myself lose in this wonderland and cry

How can I define
all these blue doors ahead
Tell me secrets and then make me wild
Isn't the true love inside

I rise and compare
my hand with this city light
There's no one but me
and silently, I get down and smile"

如果没猜错，Faye是在脑子里先以中文创作歌词，然后再直接翻译成英文。因为不难发现，整首歌根本就是以中文语法构成，以英文角度来看，根本就是一团糟。既然如此，又何苦用英文创作呢，可惜了歌曲其他优秀的元素？ 初衷应该是想要炫耀，但最后却爆出缺点。所以最后这首歌没有主打也是明确的选择。

我坐在冰山的一角，找不到阶梯

最近我常流泪。我真得很倒霉，老板一个不如一个。最新的这个，也是巫婆转世。她不懂不爽我什么，处处针对我。我现在每次要跟她开会都战战兢兢，很怕无故挨骂。再加上，我的部门有了巨大的改变，经营方针，和前景都跟我要的，不在相同。又或者，从来都没有相同过。

当然最好的办法是离开。但谈何容易。那通拯救灵魂的电话，仿佛遥遥无期。

我在这里，只有慢慢枯萎的命运。

所以你会看到，我的MSN, facebook nick最近都很风花雪月，很悲观。“在地狱里等待天堂", “昏倒在一片冰天雪地，忘了呼吸”，“在黑色的森林里看到火鸟”。还有明天的，“坐在冰山的一角，找不到阶梯。”

所幸，在昏暗的天空下有你这个朋友，像温暖的太阳一样，给我鼓励。

Viva la Eve

I was invited to the Singapore Fashion Festival event by Triumph International . The theme was Viva La Eve, with allusions to the story of Adam and Eve, including apples and pythons.

The show was very long, about 40 mins, and I was admittedly bored mid-way through. I wondered if people really bought the showpieces. Unlike clothes and accessories, how often do you get to show off your lingerie? So what if they are studded with diamonds?

At the end of the show, I just felt amazed how some people would pay to wear crystal-embellised lingerie, and how others in the world starved. Then again, if all were fair, it wouldn't be life.

(on the side: The best thing I got out of the show was a complimentary cup of Hagen Daaz ice-cream. Caramel chocolate - my first real indulgence since my diet. Yummy!)

安可

莫文蔚的新专辑很用心，所有歌曲由她包办作曲，配合李焯雄的词，创作出首首佳作。可惜因为不够主流，专辑看来将是遗珠之憾。这让我不禁想起莫文蔚多年前的“全身”专辑。错的是marketing做得不够，但更多的是逢不对时，制作人高估了听众的音乐鉴赏能力。这样的音乐，希望优质的音乐颁奖典礼，不会再错过它。

这里推荐“拉活”专辑较主流的一首歌，专辑最后的“安可”，在我看来叙述一段突如其来，却又短暂的缘分。

李焯雄真的是一位诗人。其中“爱过不该被爱的，不爱应该被爱的”最耐人寻味。希望有朝一日，李焯雄和莫文蔚能缔造另一个媲美林夕和王菲的音乐完美组合。

安可

更多更多
快乐也是负荷
但我们习惯安可
一直在重播
过去比未知可靠得多

爱过不该被爱的
不爱应该被爱的
我们却相遇了多难得
等这么久没白过
明天你是否依然爱我
老问题像一首旧歌
空气里你心里是否涌起
更多

再多
但时间不许可
该要走了不少不多
留住一点什么
已足够思念从此饱和

爱过不该被爱的
不爱应该被爱的
我们却相遇了多难得
所以真的舍不得
明天你是否依然爱我
老问题像一首旧歌
空气里你心里是否涌起
更多

承不承认
就算很残忍
在最美一刻
按快门才能去定格
相对的永恒

爱过不该被爱的
不爱应该被爱的
我们却相遇了多难得
所以真的舍不得

明天你是否依然爱我
先不急不用回答我
只要你会因为这样记得我
这刹那
爱过

Eddie

It's queer for me to dedicate a blog entry to a colleague, but I feel compelled to because of the emotions I am experiencing over the past weeks.

Eddie was one of my supervisors and together we work on one of the diplomas in our institution. Basically I support him administratively. Sometimes I feel like his secretary. In the very beginning, we even worked on our CCA together. But then he got promoted so I got to work even more closely with him. I see him almost everyday, and he sits very close by.

We were never really friends, but occasionally he would send me home because he lived nearby and he had a car. And I will sit in anyone's car if they offer to give me a ride because the journey home is so damn far. So we chit chat on our way home.

Time flew and we had collaborated for around 1.5 years. One day my reporting supervisor hinted that someone in the management team of our department had resigned. Based on the clues she mentioned, I got the nudging feeling that it was Eddie.

Then came the dreams. For a few consecutive days, I dreamt of Eddie in various types of scenarios to do with departure. One of them had Eddie announcing his departure to me, on the very day that he was going to tell him about the same piece of news. Another one even had he dying, and me find out about it through the papers. (In that dream, Eddie died from being slashed by a serial killer). I woke up feeling very worried, before realising stupidly that it was just a nonsensical dream. Or was it? After all, I have never dreamt anything like this of any departing colleague, not even the very close ones.

Dreams are very telling. Freud says they are a figment of our subconsciousness. They reveal things that we never knew we never knew. So what does my dream say about what I feel about Eddie?

To be honest, I would say that I don't really adore Eddie. He has never been my supporter during appraisals (he admittedly said so). He has breathed down my neck so many times with his unbelievable deadlines and super meticulous nature. And he has even dared to criticise me before. And anyone who knows me, knows that I dislike most forms of criticism. Eddie also has the most wicked sense of humour. He has very unkind words for unkind people, which I laugh at a lot too. (I wonder what he says behind my back).

But still despite all that, I guess my dreams are telling me that I really do like him after all. Not in an amourous way of course. (I've come to the realisation that I will never fall for an ugly guy because I am a "visual" person, and Eddie is well, ugly).

Eddie has just left my organisation. I stare at his empty desk today for the first time, and feel sad knowing that I will never hear his criticisms, cruel jokes, or see his ugly face again.

I miss him.