I Escaped a Burning Building

Met up with some ex-colleagues tonight and heard the spine-chilling story of how one of them was forced to leave the institution, under a conspiracy cover-up, and tarnished reputation. And it all originated from a resentful student's email. The student knew that another class was given added advantage prior to the test and wrote a letter to the school authorities. Somehow my ex-colleague was implicated and conveniently made the scapegoat as she had made enemies with the ruling power of our ex-department. Unfortunately the furore took place at the same time that the ex-colleague got a new job offer at another civil service organisation. This civil service org, and as I found out about all civil service orgs, did a reference check on her work performance in previous public sectors. Her employers badmouthed her even though she never admitted to the charge and had persistently maintained innocence. This caused the civil service org to drop her. With this 'bad' record, it also meant that she could almost never find another government job in Singapore. Despite her plea to redress her grievance, the HR of my previous company decided to uphold the institution's reputation, by forcing the blame on her and insisting that she committed the offence. So in a way she was forced to quit.

I once said that I would return someday to RP to work as I liked the environment and I had a sense of gratitude towards the organisation. But after hearing what I heard, I doubt it will happen. Not whilst the people inside at least. To think all of these (plus other harrowing stories which happened to others) escalated a few months after I left. I'm lucky to have escaped a burning building. One which is being burnt down by the politicking staff at the top of the corporate leader, each with their own selfish mind-games and agendas.

大笨鐘

神(san) 情(ching) 動(dung) 作(jok) 手(sau) 勢(sai) 語(yue) 調(diu/tiu) 微(mei) 蕩(dong) 了(liu) 猛(maang) 風(fung)
才(choi) 令(ling) 細(sai) 砂(sa) 輕(hing) 得(dak) 太(taai) 沉(cham) 重(chung)
甜(tim) 言(yin) 蜜(mat) 語(yue) 親(chan) 吻(man) 笑(siu) 臉(lim) 全(chuen) 捏(nip) 到(do) 手(sau) 中(jung)
才(choi) 令(ling) 我(ngoh) 的(dik) 天(tin) 衣(yi) 有(yau) 裂(lit) 縫(fung)

難(naan) 道(do) 大(daai) 腦(no) 精(jing) 確(kok) 敏(man) 銳(yui) 無(mo) 誤(ng) 似(chi) 個(goh) 鐘(jung)
才(choi) 令(ling) 美(mei) 好(ho) 光(gwong) 陰(yam) 會(wooi) 停(ting) 頓(dun)
難(naan) 道(do) 熱(yit) 吻(man) 低(dai) 了(liu) 攝(sip) 氏(si) 何(hoh) 度(do) 也(ya) 會(wooi) 懂(dung)
才(choi) 令(ling) 我(ngoh) 要(yiu) 清(ching) 醒(sing) 去(hui) 造(jo) 夢(mung)

糊(woo) 塗(to) 蟲 實(sat) 在(joi) 聰(chung) 明(ming) 無(mo) 知(ji) 卻(keuk) 快(faai) 樂(lok/ngok) 地(dei) 談(taam) 完(yuen) 段(duen) 段(duen) 感(gam) 情(ching)
從(chung) 不(bat) 知(ji) 他(ta) 可(hoh) 醜(chau) 惡(ok) 得(dak) 反(faan) 得(dak) 到(do) 美(mei) 景(ging)
談(taam) 情(ching) 全(chuen) 敗(baai) 在(joi) 精(jing) 明(ming) 能(nang) 將(jeung) 愛(oi) 透(tau) 視(si) 又(yau) 如(yue) 何(hoh) 合(hap) 著(jeuk/jue) 眼(ngaan) 睛(jing)
好(ho) 醜(chau) 只(jek/ji) 因(yan) 太(taai) 會(wooi) 辨(bin) 認(ying) 想(seung) 偷(tau) 生(saang/sang) 所(soh) 以(yi) 更(gang) 薄 命(ming)

人(yan) 在(joi) 夢(mung) 裡(lei/lui) 搜(sau) 索(sok) 快(faai) 樂(lok/ngok) 連(lin) 夢(mung) 也(ya) 乍(ja) 醒(sing)
魚(yue) 在(joi) 細(sai) 水(sui) 玩(waan/woon) 得(dak) 更(gang) 盡(jun) 情(ching)

糊(woo) 塗(to) 蟲 實(sat) 在(joi) 聰(chung) 明(ming) 無(mo) 知(ji) 卻(keuk) 快(faai) 樂(lok/ngok) 地(dei) 談(taam) 完(yuen) 段(duen) 段(duen) 感(gam) 情(ching)
從(chung) 不(bat) 知(ji) 他(ta) 可(hoh) 醜(chau) 惡(ok) 得(dak) 反(faan) 得(dak) 到(do) 美(mei) 景(ging)
談(taam) 情(ching) 全(chuen) 敗(baai) 在(joi) 精(jing) 明(ming) 能(nang) 將(jeung) 愛(oi) 透(tau) 視(si) 又(yau) 如(yue) 何(hoh) 合(hap) 著(jeuk/jue) 眼(ngaan) 睛(jing)
巴(ba) 不(bat) 得(dak) 不(bat) 會(wooi) 再(joi) 辨(bin) 認(ying) 這(je) 麼(moh) 想(seung) 高(go) 興(hing) 更(gang) 掃(so) 興(hing)

我(ngoh) 願(yuen) 我(ngoh) 蠢(chun) 更(gang) 聰(chung) 明(ming) 無(mo) 知(ji) 方(fong) 知(ji) 天(tin) 機(gei) 算(suen) 盡(jun) 難(naan) 敵(dik) 天(tin) 命(ming)
白(baak) 花(fa) 心(sam) 思(si) 分(fan) 析(sik) 處(chue) 景(ging) 抱(po) 著(jeuk/jue) 仍(ying) 聽(ting) 到(do) 雪(suet) 落(lok) 有(yau) 聲(seng/sing)
談(taam) 情(ching) 敗(baai) 在(joi) 精(jing) 明(ming) 連(lin) 口(hau) 耳(yi) 眼(ngaan) 鼻(bei) 亦(yik) 形(ying) 成(sing) 道(do) 別(bit) 背(booi) 影(ying)
巴(ba) 不(bat) 得(dak) 擁(yung) 抱(po) 當(dong) 入(yap) 定(ding) 巴(ba) 不(bat) 得(dak) 疏(soh) 遠(yuen) 當(dong) 避(bei) 靜(jing)

寧(ning) 願(yuen) 笨(ban) 到(do) 只(jek/ji) 會(wooi) 晝(jau) 夜(ye) 循(chun) 環(waan) 像(jeung) 個(goh) 鐘(jung)
從(chung) 未(mei) 覺(gok) 得(dak) 光(gwong) 陰(yam) 有(yau) 裂(lit) 縫(fung)

###

说歌曲作词者是现代诗人一点也不为过，林夕便是其一，他更能把词与曲融合一体，这不是每个创作人能胜任的。林夕的广东词尤其厉害，把等爱的痴女形容为大本钟，任由岁月蹉跎，仍坚守感情，是执著还是愚蠢呢？

Janice Appraised

You can shout and scream, and deny it till the end of time. But if you hear the same thing over and over, and especially during appraisal, then u just have to suck it up and BELIEVE it.

That said, never be closed-minded about such stuff. Just tweak your personality, slowly. It's easier than you think. No one is perfect and there will be stuff to change. People will appreciate the efforts that you took to change. Trust me, been there, done that. :)

Here's what my boss said this year about me. And I quite like it.

Janice has the drive to manage new projects and try out new ideas and think out of the box. She works well with interns and can manage external vendors. Her ability to connect with students has helped her to push through more projects which require the participation of students. Janice tends to excel alone and needs to connect more with the team. She will go further with the ability to prioritise.

Blog 四岁了!

I haven't been diligent in uploading blog posts this year so I will break the tradition of naming my favourite posts during my blog's anniversary. They will be lumped together with next year's postings cos I have the ugly feeling that next year's posts will drop even further! Full reasons to be revelaed in my 2009 musings post, which I hope to get up soon. :)

This blog started as a way to battle my quarter life crisis depression. Before this, I resisted the idea of blogs because I thought it was stupid and who showcases their life on the internet anyway. How short-sighted I was! 3 years down the road, I nailed my current job ironically through my blog. My USP was the fact that I wrote a Mandarin blog, something which not a lot of people can proudly announce in Singapore, and this was one of the strongest reason why my current boss hired it.

Just one of life's little ironies, which has impacted me in a humomgus way.

已婚妇女也该自力更生

前阵子在英文报读到中年妇女被丈夫的情妇捆绑并泼热油，导致毁容。案发时，妇女年幼的女儿就在身旁，目睹了经过。妇女尽管伤痕累累，但令她伤透的，莫过于丈夫回到了情妇身边。夫妻重逢竟然是法庭上，丈夫加入情妇的阵营，为她的官司打气。法庭最后判情妇入狱三年半，不过丈夫仍然没有回头的打算。妇女向英文报记者透露，自己依然期盼丈夫回头是岸，因为这个家（包括两个未成年的小孩）还等着他来养。

读到那里，我感到很难过。一个妻子可以容忍丈夫不忠，愿意忘记丈夫情妇给自己留下的疤痕，只因在经济上不能没有丈夫。现实社会离婚率逐渐上升，但这个数字不包括为了维持经济状态而死守痛苦婚姻的妇女。事实上，很多上一代的已婚妇女都曾为了建筑家庭，而放弃事业。甚至有一部分，念书毕业后，便与青梅竹马的恋人结婚，完全没有进入社会工作便成了永久的家庭主妇。也有一小部分，没完成学业就嫁人了，以为从此就能过着幸福无虑的日子。

这些没有实际工作经验的妇女处于危机四伏的状态。念书的时候，我制作了一部关于单亲妈妈的纪录片，发现她们有许多隐忧。其中有一位离婚不久单亲妈妈从来没工作、没有学历，生活立即陷入困境。即使法律规定前夫应承担赡养费，但前夫迟迟不给赡养费，单亲妈妈害怕遭到婚前一般的毒打，也就放弃追讨。我们拍摄纪录片途中，这位单亲妈妈突然人间蒸发，使我们的拍摄进度停滞不前。后来才知道她是应征工时作屡战屡败，患了忧郁症，才不肯见人。

除了可能面临丈夫遗弃而失去经济支柱，电视剧《企鹅爸爸》也呈现了单薪家庭的另一种危机；丈夫被裁员。和我同龄的女生也有一位结婚不久便怀孕。在怀孕三个月后，因为不想工作辛苦便离职。孩子出世后，经融风暴来袭，丈夫面临裁员、减薪的危机，一家三口凭着丈夫三千元月薪要生活，开始觉得困难。小妈妈想找工作但尽管拥有大学文凭，又不到三十岁，但由于离开工作岗位近一年又有年幼小孩，遭到许多雇主的拒绝。

我要告诫现代妇女的就是千万不要在经济上过于依赖他人。婚姻不是万全的保障。即使有天为了家庭而离职，也不要让自己与社会脱节。首先，继续与在社会工作的朋友保持联系。一方面，了解市场和社会动态，再来扩展你的人脉也可能为你将来复工时，开启更多机会。再来，利用闲暇开发并培养一技之长。比如，如果擅长写作，就专研这项才能。有一技之长便不怕在困境时，没生机。第三，如果时间许可，不妨找兼职工作。现在越来越多雇主采取“work from home”，一来为雇主减开销，再来也可以为全职妈妈既与社会保持联系又培养一技之长，和乐而不为？